Brittle Memories 2/2

[soncnica]

He stared up at the opening, watched the stars as they flickered in and out of focus, watched clouds stroll across, covering the dark sky in patches. There was a red light glowing a bit to the right, and he locked his eyes to it. It was comforting in this madness.

He was going to go mad.

The light was small at first, but then it kept …growing? Coming closer? Probably an airplane.

"Okay, this is good. Let's start then."

He could hear Jared say, could understand the words, but the light was better. It was making his mind calm into wandering. Where the airplane was going? How many people were onboard? Were they going to Hawaii? Was he in Hawaii? Where the hell was he? Didn't matter really, not in the long haul … he'd be dead soon anyway. Placed into an unmarked grave. The worms need food wherever, right?

"Okay, Jensen, 'm gonna turn you to your right. Don't move, let me do all the work. 's gonna pull a bit on the tube, but it won't hurt, you'll just feel a bit more pressure."

He didn't care. Jared could've told him he wanted him to stand on his head and he didn't care, but when the guy's hands made touch down on his bicep and side, he whimpered.

He whimpered. He was scared like hell. Apparently, his body and brain hadn't caught up with his desire to just give in and give up.

He kept his eyes locked on the red light … it was like a beacon, calling to him, making him want to reach out to it. He wanted to go to it, let it swallow him up and take him away. He was a ship, lost in need of a port and the light was a lighthouse, calling to him, offering a safe port in all this madness.

He was going mad.

"Here we go."

The guy was strong and he pulled and pushed, gripped him hard enough to leave some bruises on his side, maybe even to break a rib or two and then more gently, soothing the ache.

"'m gonna move your legs," the guy's warm hands were under his knees, pushing his legs up, up until his knees were almost touching his chin "a bit further up towards your chest, just move with me."

This was … oh God, oh God…

"Okay, that'll hold the tube. Now move your head down towards your knees," a gentle hand on the crown of his head, pressure that gave him no other choice but to move his head "that's it. Now stay like that. Don't move, or we'll have to tie you down. We don't want you to hurt yourself."

"Jared, please … please, don't …"

"Shh, shh, sh, okay, it's okay. Nothing bad's gonna happen."

Jared's constant comfort was getting too much; it itched all over his skin, it made him wanna shrivel up and disappear. He was not a child in need of comfort. He didn't want it, he wanted to punch and kick those words back into the guy's mouth and make him choke on them. Comfort made him feel awkward. It was humiliating, like he was some delicate flower in need of gentle care. He wasn't.

But Jared had this air around him that told him that even if he'd scream that at the top of his lungs, the guy would still continue with it. Maybe the guy was a real doctor.

A doctor gone bad. Bad doctor. He snickered.

A rogue doctor.

He could already see the headlines 'A no one man, tortured and disembodied by a rogue doctor'. He snickered again.

"That's the sprit, Jensen. That's the Jensen we all know."

Huh? Him … what? Laughing? It was nerves, it was terror, it was a maniac laughter that had nothing to do with him being happy or 'having a spirit' or wait what? We all know? Know? We?

Oh God, oh God, oh God…

"What're you gonna do?" he whispered into his knees and trembled in fear. He couldn't see what Jared was gonna do. He couldn't see what that needle was gonna do.

"It's okay, you just calm down and let me take care of everything."

He wanted to turn around, he wanted to see Jared's eyes, wanted to see what the guy was doing, what he was thinking …

… but he couldn't move. He didn't want to move. He kept his eyes on the concrete floor, where mold and fungus grew from the cracks; green, blue, gray, like a sea of colors and textures spilling all over the ground. There were some small patches of uprooted moss, probably when Jared had been standing there, shuffling his feet.

"Why won't you tell me anything?"

"Because it's not my place to tell, not exactly."

The words were whispered into his ear – with a warm, moist breath and a smell of cinnamon - which made him think that Jared wasn't supposed to have said that at all. Not with the audience they had.

The audience. He had forgotten about that. He had actually forgotten that there must've been thousands of people watching this – him. They were watching him. He stiffened up, every muscle in his body screaming to run, hide, cover up, get away.

But he couldn't do anything of that. He couldn't even put his hand over his ass, hiding it from all the people around. He was truly and utterly on display.

He had never felt so humiliated.

"Alright, now you're gonna feel some discomfort right here," a sure hand gripped his nape and rubbed at it, "a bit of a burn, but it'll be over in a second."

Discomfort? It wasn't discomfort he was feeling, it was a bull ramming its blunt horns inside his neck and down his spine. There were swords cutting and slashing away the insides of his back, boulders breaking his vertebrae. Discomfort?

There was something thin slithering its way down his spine, making him see blue spots before his eyes, then they turned into green spots, before they settled on red.

The thing in his spine was scratching him raw. And that was definitely not pain. It was white, hot excruciating agony that didn't last just for a second, because a second was a flash and puff it was gone, this … this was longer.

His head was starting to swim in a sea of suffering. This wasn't even your ordinary pain anymore. It was something no one had ever identified. Pain, he could handle, but this was not that.

He screamed, but his scream came out as a very quiet sob and a wail and he tasted blood.

"It's okay Jensen, just relax, it's all okay."

The pain stopped. It all stopped just like it begun; abruptly, with no tells or signs of it happening. It was there, pain that made him want to writhe and die, and then there was nothing. He didn't even taste blood anymore when he swallowed down spit and salty tears.

"Gonna turn you 'round now. 'm gonna do all the work, try not to move."

His muscles were locked tight into a curl and Jared had to rub at his arms to loosen them up enough so that he could place them down flat. He did the same to his legs, before he could place them down straight.

"Jensen, tell me how you feel."

His eyes felt sticky; sweat and tears making his eyelashes stick together in clumps, but he opened them anyway. Jared's face was hovering above his, all concerned and soft.

"How do you feel?"

"I…"

He grimaced when words just … didn't come to him.

"Jensen, try again."

"I … feel …"

Words. Words. He knew words, he knew how to read, how to talk.

"Take your time."

"I feel … hurt."

"What hurts?"

Nothing. Nothing hurt. There was no pain anywhere on his body. It was just the pressure of the tube, but he was getting used to that, but other than that … there was nothing.

His eyes widened in surprise: "Nothing."

The smile that split Jared's face in two was more blinding than the bright, white-blue light that came out of nowhere and enveloped the whole place, making all the people standing on the balconies lit up like supernovas.

When he opened his eyes, everything was back to normal. Stars above his head, the audience standing on the balconies, the room lit just enough to not burn his retinas, the tube still stuck in his bellybutton.

He ached. Down to his bones, but what ached the most was his head.

A long, winding path covered with fine brown sand.

He shook his head. That was odd.

He looked at all the people and … where was Jared?

"Jared?" he called out and turned his head to his left.

There he was talking to ... Jared?

Big, long, green leaves on a tall tree dipping into clear, blue water.

What the …?

"Jared…"

His voice was hoarse, spent with screaming and hurting. And fear.

"You did good, Jared."

He heard the man say to Jared and Jared got down on one knee, bowed his head and said: "Only the best for you, my highness, my king."

Red velvet, drapes heavy and long, brushing carefully polished wooden floor …

What the hell?

He needed explanations, he needed …

"Jared…"

Both Jareds turned his way at the word and the one wearing scrubs smiled and got up from his knee to embrace the one wearing a long, black cloak.

Pale blue light enveloped them both, but it wasn't blinding, it was soft, dimmed, beautiful. When it disappeared, only the Jared wearing the black cloak remained.

The man started walking towards him and he could see … the man's smile was exactly the same as the other ones. Everything was exactly the same, but the clothes. Where Jared was wearing green scrubs, this man was wearing a long, sweep the floor long black cloak, fastened by a woven blood red string at his neck.

He saw just a flash of something gold on the man's red shirt, near the man's breast, an emblem of some sort and it reminded him of the red blazer people and their golden pockets.

He had been watched. Chosen for this even.

Oh God.

The man was getting closer, his shoes taptaptap-ing on the hard concrete, footsteps echoing through the eerily silent place.

His hair, eyes, the tan of his skin, hands, fingers, lips, the mole, nose. Everything, was the same.

"Wha…?"

"Jensen."

He had never seen anyone smile as sincere as this man. Never.

A slow, silently running river, splashes made by strong hands, laughter, laughter so loud it…

He blinked away the image and shook his head. What was that? What was happening? What had Jared done to him?

"Jensen…"

A warm hand, same width and length, same careful fingers stroking his hair, same everything. It was completely absurd.

This all was completely absurd.

"Who…"

"He's … the part of me that knows what you taught me, Jensen. What your dad taught me …" the man leaned closer and he smelled of cinnamon too when he whispered: "… to do when the time would come. And the time has come."

"Jensen, play with me."

"Sorry, squirt, gotta go with my daddy."

"Agh, fuck." He squinted his eyes to chase away the image.

But he saw. The mole. On that kid's face. Exactly the same.

"What … what's going on?"

He was starting to really panic now. There were images flashing through his mind, right in front of his eyes, as if the things he was seeing were happening right there, right there where he could touch them. He could smell the fresh air, feel the warmth on his skin. It was like his high-def TV at home. 3D at its finest.

The man sighed and put his other hand close to where the tube was going inside his navel.

"Don't…" he hissed and groaned, but he wasn't fast enough in his warning, because the man had already put the tube between his thumb and index finger and rubbed slowly, softly right at the spot where the tube was stretching the rim of his bellybutton.

"Does this hurt?"

He nodded and hissed at the feeling of the man's fingers rubbing so close, almost touching the tube and making everything – shift. It was such a bizarre feeling, such a wrong feeling.

"Stop, stop, please…"

"Don't stop, Jared, come on … throw me the ball, or I'll sic Madzhi on you and he'll lick your face."

"Ewww, you wouldn't."

"I so would."

"I'm so sorry, but without it, you won't be able to come with me. You need it to provide you with food, oxygen, water … you're still human, will be for a while, but it won't be long when you'll be who you always were. You know that, or well, you should know it. But … it'll take some time, your daddy said. Maybe a couple of hours."

"We don't have hours, we have minutes, seconds! Jared, I have to go. I have to, you know I do. If they find me, if they … I can't do that to you. You'll find me, I know you will. And when you do … you'll know what to do. I taught you well and my daddy will teach you more."

"Jensen!"

He groaned. The image, it was rushed and laced with sadness and pain and loss and urgency.

"Jensen, you're … remembering."

He watched as the man turned around and shouted: "He's remembering! He's coming back to us! He's coming home!"

The man's voice echoed through the whole place, and when it reached every shadow the place possessed, the people started to disappear one after another. Pop pop pop, where there was a person before, there was nothing but empty space now.

He closed his eyes.

"The war, Jared, it slaughters your soul. I can't do that to you. You're too bright to go dark. I won't allow it."

"So … so, you're just gonna leave? Leave me alone? What? Go to Earth and, and, and die?

"I won't die. I'll get born and live and get this war away from you, from everyone."

"So, what you're saying is, you're gonna run away. Like a coward?"

"It's the only way. They will leave you and the planet alone, if I leave."

He shuddered and opened his eyes. The man standing by his side, one hand rubbing his forehead – such a gentle caress, like it was being done with a feather – wasn't older than the one he saw in the flash. Maybe a few years, but definitely less than a decade.

"What did you see?"

He cleared his throat: "You, me, talking about war and me going to Earth."

Nothing made any sense to him. Nothing. At all.

"Yeah, that had been … never mind. The past is the past. We're going home now, 'm taking you home."

"What? What home? Portland?"

"What? No, not there," the man scoffed, "to the Phoenix constellation."

"What?"

"It's our home, Jensen. Your home. My home. Your family lives there, still. Dad, mom. Everyone. It's been years, Jensen, years, but we did it. You did it."

"My family lives in Phoenix. That's America, not Phoenix constellation, whatever."

The man smirked: "You don't remember everything yet, do you?"

"Uh, no. Not really."

"You will. We took away the memory blocker," the man's hand steered away from his forehead, down and around to rub at his sore nape, "it shouldn't take long now."

He wanted to close his eyes, but he was afraid of what he would see in the darkness, what other fucked up images would come assault him. So he looked straight up, into space.

He was hurting. He was going insane. He was probably tied up in some asylum for the insane, with so many pills shoved up his ass, he was imagining this as if it was completely real.

Oh God, oh God…

"Jensen, hey, I know you're in pain," the man's hand started to rub at the spot where the tube was going into his navel, "and confused, but when your memories will come back, we'll talk. Now just relax and let me take care of you. You took care of me, so … now it's my time. And you know, hey look at me … you know you can trust me."

"Trust me Jared, you have to trust me, because I trust you. I do, with my life. Literally. And I know, I know you'll get me back. I know you will. When all of this' gonna be over, you come find me. I trust you. I know you'll find me."

"I … yeah … I will. I won't let you get forgotten. I won't."

He shouldn't have closed his eyes, because the flashes were starting to get more intense, more vivid, with colors and smells and emotions that were so alive … so alive. Too alive. And so familiar.

This was all so crazy. It was insane. This could not be real.

He was tripping on something and he wasn't able to wake up.

Whatever this crazy person was talking about … whatever drugs his twin had given him … he was trippin' balls. He so was. And all he wanted was a swift death.

"Don't torture me."

He slurred while slowly blinking his eyes open.

He was still there, still in that round room with cold, dark, cracked concrete looking down at him, making his head spin. It was still night out, the stars still shining bright.

Space.

What a ridiculous thing.

"Torture you? Jensen, you're our King. No one would lay a finger on you. No one will. Everyone is so excited about your return."

King?

Oh God, oh God. What did he take? What did the other guy give him?

"Just … don't hurt me."

He choked out and sobbed, because these were some serious lunatics, talking about space and kings and wars and Phoenix constellations and what the fuck was he trippin' on here?

And the man couldn't seem to stop touching him. He was resting his palm on his sweaty forehead, just … there.

"Won't hurt you, could never do that. I'm sorry for all the pain that had been caused up 'till now, but it was necessary. You'll see that, when your memories return. It's gonna be okay, it is. You can sleep, if you want."

Sleep sounded like a good idea. He always wanted to die in his sleep.

The way the man was stroking his hair and rubbing around the thing stuck in his navel, he couldn't fight the pull of sleep. He was exhausted. Completely spent. Crippled with pain that he had to endure.

The touch was soothing away the ache and the warmth he felt inside of him, soothing the fear, soothing the terror running through his veins, soothing the pain in his back … it was soothing him into dreams of deep, blue seas, lush green forests and a big house made of red stones with a black, slanted roof and golden windows.

"Sleep, my friend. My King."

He did. He fell asleep with the man's touch on his overheated skin, the man's voice pushing him deeper into slumber. And he dreamed. Of a man that was not his father, of a woman that was not his mother, of a sister and a brother that he had none.

Of a friend with a radiant smile and a kindness that he wore like the smell of cinnamon. Of a friend, who meant more to him than his family ever did. Of a friend who came find him, who travelled light years to come get him and take him home.

When he was taken on a massive ship that was waiting for him at the edge of the Earth's orbit, there was nothing left of him on this planet, but a big, green-moss covered hole in a huge, round place where he had spent an hour of his life, scared for his life. A deep hole and nothing more that would testify of the place where Prince Jensen finally became King of the Phoenix Dwarf Galaxy and gotten back a life he had to run from thirty years ago.

The ship greeted him like a long lost lover and carried him deep into space.

Home.

"Jared?"

"'m right here."

"Don't … don't leave me."

"Never."

THE END

PART 1

Comments

[ayane42.livejournal.com]

wow that was different!!

i'm reading and going hmmmm, what's this about? where's it going?

lovely ending!!! and yeah, that picture!! i can totally see that!!!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

haha, I hope different means good different?! :)
ah, well you know me... twists and turns, but I always get somewhere in the end :)

thank you so much for reading! :)
S.

[ayane42.livejournal.com]

oh yes!! good different!!

great story!! loved it! creepy and twisty turny!!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

*hugs you real tight*
:-)

[herminekurotowa.livejournal.com]

Oh god! Poor Jensen is kind of tortured and I think it's funny. Oh god, I'm an evil girl.

But, oh god, what a fabulous fic, I so enjoyed it!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

*giggles* I had such fun writing this, kinda torturing Jensen was awesome ... wish I could do it again! and if you thought it was funny, then my job is done! yay! :)

thank you! so happy you liked it and made it through 11.000 words of weirdness! woohooo!:)

S.

[firesign10.livejournal.com]

That was so cool and so intense!! Seeing Jensen shift from ordinary-joe to his forgotten identity of Space King (LOL!) was fascinating. Love how the scope went from the very up close and personal to SPACE! A compelling read indeed!!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for reading and commenting! :-)
I'm really glad you liked it and liked the transformation from Jensen the ordinary human being, to Jensen the king of an entire galaxy .... :-) all Jared had to do was prepare him for it :-):-):-) lol :-)

Thank you!

S.

[locknkey.livejournal.com]

Interesting and jensen's voice really carried the confusion and pain he must have experienced.

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reading and commenting! :-)
Yay, awh poor Jensen, but he is just so cute when tortured (uh, that sounds weird, lol) and he is just so fun to play with and 'm really glad his confusion and pain came through the words and into your mind, while reading this! :-)

S.

[somer.livejournal.com]

Oh god, oh god!! I could totally understand why Jensen had these words in his head all the time, I was right there with him!! OH GOD, this was awesome!!

After a while I realized that I started reading faster and faster because I wanted to KNOW and when Jensen was getting his first memories back I slowed down again! I didn't want to miss a single thing!!

I have to admit I had to smirk a few times in the beginning because Jensen's thought process was just this confused, jumbled and panicky mess.

Cinnamon? For real? Oh God, oh God, oh God he was gonna be tortured and killed by a guy smelling of Christmas.

Well, good luck there buddy, because if I can't hide, neither will you.

Poor Jensen...

I FREAKING LOVED THIS :D

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

*giggles* hehehe, I totally had to warn about the 'oh God' thingy, because sometimes repetative sentences can be annoying, but here, it just had to be like this :-)
Hahaha, so cool ... thats really cool, that the story made you read faster to get to the end and then a twist came that made you slow down - that's a really awesome compliment! :-):-)
Lol, poor Jensen, he was all confused and oh God wtf and scared and panicky, but in the end ... all Jared was doing was preparing him to go home :-)

Thank you sososo much for reading, especially now when you have dived into the writing waters yourself and won't have much time to read .. because once you start writing, you can't stop! :-):-):-)

S.

[mre-quecky.livejournal.com]

yay, absolutely looved! Although I'm still unclear about how Jensen running and hiding on earth would have savedhis planet...

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :) so happy you liked! :))) wooohoo! :)

oh, good question...

"""They will leave you and the planet alone, if I leave."""

the THEY in that sentence implies that there were some enemies trying to invade the planet Jensen lived on and if he'd leave, they would stop. Because the sentence also implies, that if he'd leave they would leave it all be, because it was him, the enemies wanted, not the planet :)

I hope that makes sense! :)

hmm, now I'm thinking that I left too much just implied and not explained! hmmm, bu ... oops, my bad! But well, in some other way, I don't feel too bad, because I love leaving stuff open to interpretation :) I don't like to deliver everything on a silver platter so to speak! :) I want the readers to think and find clues and then go, oooh, okay, yeah, that's neat :)

I hope it wasn't too distracting - the not knowing why ... sorry!

S.

[mre-quecky.livejournal.com]

thanks for your reply. I read that sentence as well, but I was wondering, if they only want him, then why? If it is because he is the crown prince, then basically they are still interested in his kingdom. with him gone, they would still attack the planet. So it must be something else. But there I didn't know what. He didn't seem to owe anyone big amounts of money or as if he were into dangerous activities... do, that's why. i asked.
loved it anyways :) just me wondering :)

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Welcome and as I say; there are no bad, weird or stupid questions! So ask away! ... :)
I just pictured, that they wanted HIM, for him! Not his kingdom (although they would trash it, looking for him) or anything else. Just him for him. Who knows why (kinda want the readers to fill in that blank as you please ... ya know?) I'd fill it, because he was in a possession of a rare gem stone, other aliens wanted. OR, he was a Prince/intergalactic booze smuggler! LOL, oh wait... where is my mind going!? grrr, no I will not write a sequel! *shut up brain*

so, how would you fill in the blank!? :) *looks at you, blinks* hmmmm? :)

S.

[mre-quecky.livejournal.com]

thanks again for your reply :)
well, If I had to fill it.... maybe There was another guy who was jealous of Jensen's beauty and he wanted to be the number 1 of beauty. so the current number 1 had to disappear :)
hm, or... the prince of another kingdom asked to marry him and Jensen couldn't say yes since he loved Jared. The other dude felt snubbed and wanted retaliation. when jensen's family said jensen had died and they were so sorry they couldn't get married the other dude could not believe it and tried to find his 'love'. when he finally gave up and went home he married this other dude and now he is happy in love and jensen can come back
i don't know. your version sounds awesome, i wouldn't mind a sequel :)

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

*giggles* all of your reasons would be totally valid, if this wasn't a gen story :-) as in Jared is Jensen's best friend, they grew up together etc and as best friends go, Jared came looking for him. And I even wrote that Jensen likes women somewhere in the story, exactly because I wanted everyone to have that in their minds when the story would progress :-) :-)
Although, one could argue that Jensen the human was into women, while Jensen the alien will be into men .... heh :-)
*teehee* sorry ... :-) and hmmm, idk, I don't really like writing stories where the reasons you said, would be a plotline ... idk ... I like to write things that are a bit more out of the box, something like Jensen is a intergalactic booze smuggler, or gem smuggler, or maybe his family put something in him that other aliens wanted (like an important code or some knowledge or something) or he was associated with a rebellion group, or something :-) something that isn't all about love and more love. 'M not saying there is anything wrong with love and longing, but real life is so full of that already so I want my fics to be more ... have more adventures of a different kind :-) you know? And love to be more of a sub-subplot :-) lol :-)

Uh ... umm .. sorry! Please don't be mad! *hugs you really tight*
And ugh, so many possibilities, so many things to discover oh god, I really don't have time to do a sequel! I just finished writing a werewolf story and I am completely drained and there are new ideas coming and *whines* sequel would bad, bad!

S.

[mre-quecky.livejournal.com]

haha, funny thing is, I totally agree with you! I'd much rather your story ideas than mine. that's why I read fiction and don't write it. My stories would be horribly clichee, since i suck at being creative and coming up with new ideas... I guess I have to check out your werewolf story :)

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Haahaha :-) then you just lean back, get some coffee or tea and let me handle the plot ideas :-):-) you just enjoy your read and drop me a line if you liked or not, if you feel like doing so :-) :-) and hey, sometimes cliche ideas are awesome too, it just depends on HOW you put them into a story, me thinks :-)
The werewolf story will be posted this week :-) whooot :-)

S.

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed this story and thought you conveyed Jensen's fear and panic very realistically. I love hurt!Jensen fic and this was great as it was different and surprising. I read the comments about why 'they' wanted Jensen and my first thought was 'who wouldn't want him??!!' Seriously I think he has something unique they wanted such as his blood (or semen!) to save their species. And I'd love to read more about Jensen and the Jareds, hope you'll be tempted to write more!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Thank you :) very happy you enjoyed! :))) woohoo! :)
ah hurt!Jensen rules my heart, I can't not write it... it would be like pulling teeth, if I'd write anything but. Sometimes I write hurt!Jared too, but only when the plot screams at me to do so... otherwise it's all hurt!Jensen :)

uuuu that is an awesome WHY too ... blood or semen ... good one!!! it's fun coming up with your own reasons, right!? :)

no, 'm really sorry, I'm not gonna continue with this, because I have so many ideas for other stories and I don't want this story to stop me writing other things... :) I hope that's okay :) :) But as I imagine it, he came home and became the best King of all times :)

Thank you for reading!

S.

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

Aw that's a shame, but I'm now off to explore your previous fics & I'm looking forward to your next one too!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

I really am sorry, but I just have way too much ideas in my head and I wanna write them down and if I'd stop by this story and try to continue it, then all the other ideas would pass me by! But in some crazy way, I think it's better to do a new, fresh story than a sequal :) right? :)
Yup, I am writing my next fic right now.. it's gonna be a werewolf story, called Forbidden ... dunno when I will post, but I will link to it on the usual communities :)

THANK YOU, I hope you will find something worthy of your time and read! :))) fyi: I so need to update my master post, so sorry, I just never seem to find any time! ARGH!!!!!!

S.