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The Why's To The No's
Author: soncnica
Rating: PG-13
Genre/pairing: gen
Characters: Dean, Ben
Word count: cca. 1.232
Summary: Dean and Ben talk.
Spoilers: Very much for S6 E2
Warnings: Umm, none. But if you find anything, please do tell!
Disclaimer: I seriously only own the grammar/spelling mistakes. Everything else is not mine!
A/N: I have no clue what this is, but I just... watching the ep... I missed this happening. So I wrote my own version of it. You'll know what I mean IF you read the story.
Dean knocked on the door, a light taptaptap with his knuckles.
"Ben?"
No answer.
He remembered Sam like this… locking himself in the bathroom, coz that was the only other room available. He'd knock then too but Sam ignored him. Was pissed and sulking too much and ignoring was the only way of making Dean pay for whatever was wrong.
Knockknock; knuckles hitting the wood.
"Ben, come on dude."
Sam made him wait too; hours sometimes. Silently locked in the bathroom, sometimes not a sound came out. But sometimes… sometimes Dean could hear little hitching breaths that turned into hiccups later on.
Knockknock; a little harsher, a little louder.
"Ben, I just wanna talk to you, man."
That line never worked on Sam either. Sam didn't wanna talk, he wanted to know that Dean wasn't pissed at him or that Sam didn't do anything wrong, but most of the time, Sam was waiting for Dean to apologize.
Rattling the door knob; the door remained silently locked.
"Ben, open the door. 'm sorry, man, okay? Sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn't have."
Okay, that usually made Sam get out of the bathroom. Usually with a bad case of brooding and pouting but… he at least came out so that Dean could go in to use the freakin' toilet.
"Ben?"
Panic started to crawl up his spine; what if something got to Ben? What if something... what if the shifter got to Ben? What if a demon, the djinn, a Shtriga, something, anything... got to Ben? On his watch? Because of his screw up?
He gripped the door knob with more strength, trying to turn it left and right, but the door... was locked tight. White piece of wood mocking him; a hard barrier between him and whatever got to Ben.
"Ben, buddy, open the door. I just wanna talk to you, okay? Come on. Seriously, Ben open the door."
If he kicked down the door... would Lisa be pissed?
Boomboomboom; hitting the door with his fist, chocking on fear.
"Ben, come on... man, open the door right now."
The fear from before became terror now. He was terrified; terrified that he screwed up, he let something happen to Ben, to an innocent kid…
Something clicked. The door opened with no noise at all. Ben's eyes were huge and red… just like Sam's were… sometimes.
Dean swallowed down the panic and the terror... 's okay... Ben's okay.
The words 'why didn't you open the damn door when I asked you too! why didn't you answer me, damnit!' were on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't say them. That would be too much like how his Dad was; yelling and ordering and angry at everything him or Sam did. He didn't wanna be like that, he never was like that with Sam and he should keep himself from becoming like that.
He didn't wanna be like that... not to Ben who was standing wide eyed at him, with eyes red and fingers curled into fists by his sides.
He looked so much like Sam did when they were kids. So much.
"Hey, kiddo. You left me standing here, dude. So not cool."
Ben's lip turned upwards, but his head went down to hang between his hunched shoulders.
"Mom," he motioned to Ben if he can come in, "said," he stepped into the room, "you've been in here for hours." and sat on the bed. Soft bed with a soft pillow and covers that smelled like fabric softener. So much like what home should be.
He remembered hard beds and pillows and the smell of cigarettes or alcohol on the covers when he sat down besides his brother to talk. Or just to watch TV.
Ben stood in the middle of the room, his hand still holding the door knob.
Dean sighed.
"I, uh... came to tell ya that 'm sorry. For... you know, yelling earlier."
"Are you gonna go away?"
The words were... not what he expected. He expected... well he's not really sure what he expected, but it surely wasn't that. The kid is smart, damn he is smart.
Just like Sam. Sam… he could get the truth out of him with just one question, hell sometimes, even with the way he looked at him.
"I don't know."
Ben shuffled his sock clad feet, unclenching and clenching his fingers into fists.
"I didn't mean to... 'm sorry."
"'s okay, man."
"I didn't mean to make you angry."
"You didn't... it wasn't your fault. Ben, hey, come on... I shouldn't have yelled at ya, it wasn't your fault. I should've been more careful, I should have kept the key hidden someplace safer, I should've…" he rubbed his hand over his mouth, he was just so tired, "should've known better."
"I really didn't mean to... it just looked cool... the gun."
How many times has he thought so too? How many times has he thought that holding a gun and shooting shit is cool? How many times? Sam hated guns, he hated them, hated to practice his shooting, hated everything.
"'s not cool. 's not cool at all, man. You can hurt someone with that, kill 'em. 's not cool, 's dangerous. Just…" this is such a cliché "…keep away from guns, okay?"
Ben walked over to his bed and sat down near the pillow, hands between his knees, head down looking at the floor.
He didn't look up when he said: "So... are you gonna leave?"
He asked his Dad that same question so many times, in so many nights… always the same question, always the same answer: "I'll be back soon, kiddo. Keep an eye on your brother." "Yeah, Dad, I will." And that was followed with endless minutes of explaining to Sam where and what and why their Dad was not there for days.
Dean looked out on the hallway that could be seen through the half open door and wished he had a different answer for the kid.
"Yeah, but just for a little while."
"Yeah..."
He bumped Ben with his shoulder: "I'll be back. You won't even notice 'm gone."
"Mhm..."
"Ben, I'll come back, you know I will."
Ben whispered: "Yeah, yeah I know."
He always knew, even with everything going on, that his Dad will always come back. Until the day he didn't.
They sat in silence for some time, enough time that the silence became comfortable.
"You miss your brother?" Ben whispered to the floor and shuffled his feet, turning his toes inwards.
Where were all these questions coming from?
"I," he rubbed the back of his neck, "hah," he's changed, he's not the man I knew, he's not Sam anymore, he's different, he's not the man I raised, "yeah, yeah I do." but he's still my brother.
"Wish I had a brother."
"Brother's are a pain in the ass, my man."
"Yeah, but still..."
"Ben!"
Lisa's voice cut through that awkward conversation. He hoped that that was not Ben's subtle way of telling Dean to… yeah, he just hoped that it wasn't that.
"Come on, let's get something to eat." He patted Ben's knee while getting up from the bed.
"Be-en!"
"Coming Lis'!"
"Come on before your mom eats everything, you know how she is."
Ben padded behind Dean into the hallway.
Like Sam did so many times… follow him around everywhere.
The End. Thank you very much for reading.
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yeah I think that... idk I mean it's really hard to let go of your past and Sam and John are sooo much of Dean's past no matter how hard Dean is trying to do whatever with Lisa and Ben (me thinks he's like replacing the family - Bobby and Sam - he had with Ben and Lisa and that is just unhealthy and wrong) anywho.... so yeah, when Dean talks to Ben it's like... he's remembering how it was with Sam and how it was when Sam did things and how it was to raise Sam... :) 'm really happy you liked that :)
thank you so much for reading and leaving an awesome comment! thank you! :)
S.
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really!? hmmm, I didn't know that, no seriously... I probably don't pay as much attention to which weapon the boys use and yeah maybe you are right! hmm, I should check this out, thank you for pointing it out! coz that would make a lot of sense... like seeing Ben with a gun that was his brother's favorite...
and I mean when you think about it, there are like a milion reasons really WHY Dean freaked out like that, and every person can idk pick one out that suits their theories best, ya know!? I always LOVE to listen to other people theorise about this and that :)
I'm really happy you liked the parallels between Sam and Ben... thank you! :)
S.
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hmmm... maybe make it a drabble out of this... if the theory will be correct...
hmmm
and damn you for putting plots in my head! *shakes fist at you*
hugs
S.
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I could feel how hard Dean is trying here.
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yeah, man.. kids scare me FOR THAT EXACT REASON! I mean they just KNOW!! they just ask whatever is on their minds and sometimes they just stab you with a question that really really hurts you, but of course they don't know that! and I think that Ben is/was scared of Dean leaving all the time... coz I think the kid really got attached to Dean... you know!? I mean I would ask him the same question, to be honest :)
thank you for liking that :)
yeah Dean is trying sooo hard, but every parent has awkward conversations with their kids all the time... so... it kinda fits that Dean would be a bit awkward with talking about stuff with Ben. :)
thank you so much for reading and leaving a comment :)
hugs
S.
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thank you... yeah I was debating with myself ... should I make it kinda schmoopy or kinda awkward! and then I said screw it and let's make it awkward, because that's surely how it would go :)
thank you so much for reading! :)
and yeah I MISSED something like this in the ep... idk why, but I just did... :)
S.
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I'm not decided yet if I like stories with Ben and Dean, BUT this just came to me and I had to write it down, because I missed this in the ep! :) I mean IF Dean is starting to consider Ben as his kid, then he would surely TRY and apologize to him, right!? at some point!? so yeah... I missed this :)
thank you! yeah I tried to put in those pararells between Ben and Sam and idk John and Dean and it worked... thank you! :)
because idk I mean we always get these little snippets of how Dean wants to be like John and then he doesn't wanna be like John and it just made sense that he would still try to compare himself with his dad :)
yeah Ben is cool.. he doesn't have a lot of lines in the show, but... the writers can change that and he's a cool kid! :)
thank you so much for reading this :)
S.
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This was nicely done. Thanks!
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*nods* yeah, I mean when you think about it... Dean does have like 3 personalities with this subject: how he was raised, how he acted with Sam, how he wants to be with Ben! you nailed this! awesome... I mean... WE all say. WE ARE NOT gonna become like our parents were, but we all do in some way, because THAT is familiar, because we were IN THAT our whole lives and like you said... maybe it is panic that makes us become like our parents were, because THAT is the only thing that we know! :)
thank you so very much for reading!!!!
S.
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"I," he rubbed the back of his neck, "hah," he's changed, he's not the man I knew, he's not Sam anymore, he's different, he's not the man I raised, "yeah, yeah I do." but he's still my brother.
This line? PERFECT. Broke my heart. As did the last one.
I've seen quite a few fans see Lisa and Ben as replacements for Dean's blood family and I particularly liked how you expressed that here, with Ben acting as both a young Sam and Dean. And Dean doing is very best not to be John. Or, at least, John, but expressing compassion.
Nice work!!
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yeah idk, I would be scared if I was Dean and if Ben wouldn't answer the door.. I mean okay he could just be a bitch about it, kids often are, but I think that Dean really would be scared, coz you never know what things can crawl up the wall and into your bedroom! :)
yeah I love Ben, actually, he's really... kinda great, even thought we only got him for a few lines, but he does seem a bit more mature then he was in S3E2 and I like that, because he has grown since then. :)
thank you! 'm really happy you liked that line! :))) awesome, thank you! aww no heart being broken... all is okay!
yeah I do think that on some level, Dean does replace Sam and Bobby with Ben and Lisa, maybe it's because of that 'don't wanna be alone' issue he has.. ya know!?
thank you sooo very much for reading this and leaving an awesome comment! :)
S.
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he is fighting, but in the end... it's kinda futile to resist... because in some way... some twisted weird crazy way... you always turn out like your parents were... maybe not entirely, but a bit:)
and yeah Dean is trying to be his own man, but the way John raised him, the way Dean was with Sam... that is the only thing Dean knows! you know!?
so yeah.... I had to put in this fic some comparisment with John and with Sam and WHOOT it worked! 'm so happy!
thank you so very much for reading! :)
S.