Chapter 5

[soncnica]

CHAPTER 5

Nobody knew what was happening in the rest of the world; Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia. Nobody knew if those continents even existed anymore. The last news – words traveling from the East Coast of America – anyone had heard was that Australia was no more. The ocean had swallowed it, flooded the islands around it too, around ten years ago, covering the country with salty water, making the cities, forests and sand disappear below the ocean.

What was happening in Europe, Africa or Asia was anybody's guess and there was absolutely no way to find out. Planes didn't fly anymore, ships, well, ships had a way of disappearing without a trace, never coming back, but Jensen figured that those who survived were probably living as they all were.

Or not. Maybe people in other continents had organized, established a regime of some sort; Europe especially had a tendency to establish different regimes throughout history, so why not now too? Or maybe the Icies had obliterated everything and everyone and the humans in America were the only ones yet to be exterminated.

No one could know for sure. Maybe … maybe there was no more Europe.

The only information they did have was of what was going on in South America and up in Canada and further north. But those informations were something that Jensen didn't want to even think about. He had wanted to go up north – the wilderness there was perfect for hiding, he'd thought, perfect to be alone and hidden from the madness – but when he'd found out that the Icies had come from the Arctic and had travelled across Alaska and Canada … he never wanted to even think about going north ever again.

So he stuck to the devil he knew – central North America. The picking of land was slim, though there were forests and mountains and deserts that provided a good hiding spot, but the only place where he didn't want to go were the coastlines.

People there were insane, and that was saying a lot about their state of mind, because hell, the people inland didn't have all their marbles either, but the inhabitants of the coasts were as crazy as they come.

The sight and the smell of the ocean, the danger of the Icies climbing out of the water had driven them insane, but they hadn't wanted to leave the sea, the coastline that had shifted further up to Nevada in the West and Kentucky on the East. Las Vegas was a seaside town now, as was Charleston in West Virginia.

The water rising had chased everyone away, further in, and the ones who had always lived by the ocean stayed by the ocean, claiming that the salt was in their veins and if they could, they'd kill any and all Icies that they'd see climb out of the water.

Those people were – in some very screwed up way – America's line of defense and when Mount St. Helens had erupted so many years ago, the lava had run into the Pacific, creating a path of cooling, smoking molten rock where the coast people fried/baked/cooked their fish and other marine animals.

Jensen had made the mistake once by going there, thinking he could get some fish or maybe a squid, something to change his diet a little, because the sight and taste of rabbits had been making him nauseated. But what he got had been a sharp, shiny end of a harpoon directed at his chest, a fish net pressing him to the hot sandy ground and a fish hook in his shoulder tearing a hole in his flesh. A side dish to that had been a growled: "Get the hell away from here, boy."

He'd only been able to hiss out an: "'m goin'." before the man had hit him on his temple with the end of the harpoon.

He'd woken up lying down under a shadow of a cactus with two small beady eyes staring right at him. The first thing that had hit him had been the foul smell coming from the body the eyes had been attached to and the second had been the bile rising up his throat. He'd rolled to his left, which had made the dead fish slide off his chest, and puked all over the cactus. That hadn't been his finest moment, but there'd been no one around to see him or hear him. No one except the dead, decayed fish. Only it hadn't been decayed – once he'd gathered his wit and had stuffed it back into his skull he'd seen that it'd been baked. He'd dug into it like a feral animal, ripping nicely burnt skin and flesh off the tiny bones, crunching sand and bones under his teeth.

Best meal in days, even if it had been accompanied by unrelenting heat, a headache, the pull of drying blood around his shoulder and miles upon miles of cacti.

Needless to say, he was never going to the beach again and for the life of him, he couldn't remember why he'd gone there in the first place.

Sure, now, he could ask Jared about the rest of the world, but … he didn't really wanna know. He wanted to live in the hope and faith that there were still people out there, people surviving, fighting, living.

"Hope we're not going to the beach, because man, 'm not in the mood to deal with insanity today."

Jared smirked: "No, not the beach. We're going further up, to the mountains. There's someone I think you should … should see."

"An Icy?"

"Yeah."

"One of yours?"

"Obviously."

"Well," he shrugged and adjusted his quiver, the damn strap was slipping off of his shoulder any chance it got, "you're full of mysteries, how 'm I supposed to know?"

Jared said nothing, just stepped over a metal rod that at some point probably held up a traffic sign or something but was now lying dead and forgotten across some pavement.

They were leaving the city, leaving the tall buildings, leaving the deserted streets and overpopulated sewers and subway tunnels.

They were leaving places to hide and going into the unknown. While forests and mountains were less populated - people choosing not to leave the illusion of cities being safe and the comfort of the buildings – they were still dangerous and one had to watch one's back all the time. One could never know when a noise could be a starving animal, an Icy out to kill or a human consumed with fear of anything that moved.

They'd prepared themselves; Jensen with his knife and bow and Jared with his bare hands and his ARR – appendix recognition radar - as Jensen had called it this morning when they'd been packing up. Jared had procured – stolen more likely and Jensen would live his life thinking that because he didn't want to think about Jared killing his way to new clothes – some new clothes for Jensen. New jeans with a hole at the left knee, a gray t-shirt that hung off his frame as if he were a stick, a blue/white plaid button down and new boots.

When Jensen had asked, Jared had rolled his eyes and told him to get dressed or walk around in his boxers, he didn't care.

They had some food and some water, which Jared also got – stole – when he apparently went out sometime in the night. Jensen should've been pissed about that, about being left alone, but he strangely wasn't. Jared 'abandoning' him was kinda expected actually, what wasn't expected was Jared coming back. That'd been a shock to say mildly, but it woke him up enough to drag his brand 'new' clothes on his body and bite his lips about asking Jared the how's and the why's and the where's.

But even with all that packed, they couldn't really prepare themselves for every scenario. The woods were a dangerous place, both a sanctuary and a tomb.

"So, where're we goin' and when're we gonna get there?"

When Jared laughed at the question Jensen frowned, because really, the questions were legitimate and very, very important and didn't really need to be laughed at.

"Oh man, Jensen you've grown up, but you haven't changed your whining at all. Still the same kid, huh?"

Jensen rolled his eyes, he was not whining … the questions were important, damnit.

"I was not whining, I was askin'."

"Yeah, just like you did when you were a kid. Uncle Sam, where are we going? Uncle Sammy, are we there yet? Uncle Sammy, when are we gonna get there? Uncle Sam we gonna be there soon? Man, every five minutes those questions just poured out of you until …" he stopped, because the look in Jensen's eyes was spelling murder as clear as he had ever seen it.

"Until what?" Jensen gritted out.

"Never mind, let's just go on."

Jared turned around and started walking up a small incline that was covered with overgrown fern, the long leaves of it stretching way over Jared's waist and the man wasn't a shorty. No, Jared was tall and lean and needed to fuckin' start talking.

"No, no, come on," Jensen caught up with Jared and tugged on his sleeve, making Jared spin around, "until what?"

They stared at each other, fern slowly caressing both of their legs in the soft breeze.

Jared bit his bottom lip, because he really, really didn't seem to want to complete that sentence.

"Nothing, Jensen, let's just go, okay?"

"No," he tugged harder, gripping tighter to the plaid clenched in his fist, "just tell me, damn it, Jared."

"Until we calmed you down, okay? Until Alineja used her mojo as you say and calmed you down and I carried you the rest of the way. Okay?"

Jensen let go of Jared's shirt as if it burned. It burned; the words, Jared's eyes shifting from darkblue-brightgreen-yellow and orange back to brown, the thought of Alineja using her mind-fuck-power to calm him down so that he wouldn't cause trouble anymore, so that he wouldn't bother them with questions. It burned so deep inside of him, it fuckin' burned another hole in his heart.

But what was another hole in the sea of many? Nothing.

"Fucking asshole," he muttered when he walked by Jared, bumping his shoulder into the Icy's side making both of them hiss and started walking up the incline.

Jared sighed; so, it was gonna be a long day then.

He was pissed off, anger just boiling in his veins, bubbling up his blood and he was gonna crack soon. They'd lied to him, they'd deceived him, they'd betrayed him … they'd kept him safe and fed and loved and fuck it all.

He'd been raised by Icies and … and they'd been nice and took care of him and taught him things, things that most humans nowadays never got taught, and … he loved them. He loved, loves Alineja and nothing could change that.

"Just tell me where we're going." He hissed and batted at a small fly that was flying around his sweaty forehead.

The words caught Jared off guard, because for the last few hours, Jensen hadn't spoken a word to him. All the noise there was were feet stomping on dried leaves, breaking twigs and harsh breathing. And some buzzing from flies that'd smelled their sweat.

"I want you to meet someone."

"Who?"

"'s not my story to tell."

"I'm so sick of you and never talking."

"I thought you didn't want me to talk. Messes with your zen or something."

Jensen's lips tugged up into a smile, but he couldn't let himself go like that. He couldn't let Jared win without a fight; he hadn't forgiven the man for abandoning him yet and probably never would, but he was starting to feel himself break a little. This was still his uncle, the man who'd raised him, the man who'd saved him from death, the man who knew his real mom …

"Just answer the damn question."

"His name's Odie."

"Odie his real name?"

"Yeah."

"He an Icy?"

"Yeah."

"One of yours or one of Noah's?"

"Mine. He's … he's mine, I already told you."

Jensen looked at him sideways: "Aha."

"What?

"Nothin'…"

"Nothin' what?

Jensen smirked: "Frustrating, ain't it?"

When Jared pushed him on his back, making him stumble with the force, even if it was just a playful little push to get them both moving, he chuckled. And from the corner of his eye he saw Jared smile too and why that felt good, he had no idea.

"How long 'till we get there?"

The sun was setting, the sky colored red and orange, the trees moving in the soft wind.

"Dunno, two, three days."

"Three days?"

"Mhm…"

"That's … that's a lot."

"'s not like you haven't ever walked for that long."

"Well yeah, but I was hoping that Odie lived a bit closer."

"He can't …"

"Why not?"

"Because he's just as wanted as I am."

Jensen nodded, because thanks to Noah, he knew how it was to be a wanted man. How it was to hide even deeper than before, how it was to run even faster than before.

But he had Jared now, although he didn't actually know what the guy would or could do if they'd meet Noah in these dense woods, but if Jared had survived for so long, being hunted by both his own and humans … well, maybe the guy knew how to handle his brother.

"Okay, so … we stopping for the night or what?"

"Yup, we're stopping. We need some food and you need some sleep."

He sighed: "I need like days and days of sleep, Jared."

"Jensen," Jared's voice got serious, "you can sleep when I'm around. You're safe."

"Yeah, well … been a while since I could really relax enough to sleep, ya know? Oh wait, yeah since you left and Alineja died."

It stung, it stung deep in Jared's heart. He should get used to it, all these jabs of Jensen's would probably never stop. And that was okay. They shouldn't stop, because him running had been a mistake. He should've taken Jensen with him, he should've stayed and help Alineja, but at the same time he'd had to leave. Had to plot. Had to make plans and round his people up … he'd had to make all of this right. Jensen'd never understand that, no matter how much Jared would try to make him understand.

"Jensen, I deserve whatever you dish out, I do, but just … trust me and try to sleep. You slept good last night, didn't you?"

"Uh, no, I didn't sleep at all last night, because all I could think about was what you told me and let me tell ya, that kinda crap before bedtime, is a sure fire way to nightmares."

Jared smiled: "You were snoring when I went out to get you some new clothes."

"Was not."

"You were. Snoring and drooling."

"Shut up, liar."

"Haha, you wish."

"What I wish for is for all of this to be an illusion and that nightmares were just that. Bad dreams and not reality. But well, you can't always get what you wish for, right?"

"'m really sorry, but you wanted to know, Jensen. You begged me, threatened me to tell you."

"I did and now I know and it doesn't make it any better."

Jared nodded, bottom lip stuck between his teeth and walked past Jensen to lay down a blanket they'd taken from the house.

He kicked away all rocks that could dig themselves into their sides while they slept and put the blanket down. It would be a warm night, the sunset telling that, so there would be no need to set up a fire, which was a good thing, because if Noleih or his followers were after them then a fire would be like a welcome sign.

And he wasn't ready yet. Jensen wasn't ready for that yet. Odie … after Jensen would've talked with Odie, then they would be ready.

"Imma go get us some dinner."

"Be careful, all right?"

"'m not a baby, I can handle myself and if a rabid squirrel attacks me I'll scream like a girl.

Jared snickered: "You remember that?"

"I'll never forget how Alineja screamed that day. My ears kept ringing for hours after that."

"Yeah…"

"Yeah…"

"So."

"So, yeah I'll go hunt down some food."

"Don't go too far."

"For fucks sake, Jared, just …"

"Fine, fine. I'll keep an ear out for your girly scream."

"Idiot." Jensen muttered and walked through some shrubs, getting as far away from their camp as he dared, hoping beyond hope that he'd catch a rabbit or a bird. Maybe a squirrel or a raccoon, would be nice too. Anything would be nicer than bread and water.

Holding his bow in his hands, having his finger on the string, pulling it towards his shoulder, holding all that power of a sharp arrow in his fingers gave him such a thrill that his body was vibrating with the adrenaline flowing in his veins. It had been so long since he'd held his bow like this, all ready to do its job and kill, that for a second he just wanted to enjoy the feel of the wood and the string in his hand. Such a light weapon, yet it could kill, or hurt.

He'd spotted some small, round poop – rabbit crap – and now he had the rabbit in his sight. He just needed to release the bow string and … and … and … there, the arrow hit a brown-furred rabbit directly into its right side, making the animal roll headfirst through some leaves, its movements stopped by death. It made some weird whistling noises before Jensen ran up to it and hit it in the back of its head. Mercy … mercy he only had for animals, because in all of this mess, they were the most innocent of them all.

The rabbit looked nice, healthy and fat, which showed that the forest was rich in grass and weeds. And if he looked around, he could see it was true. Grass had settled everywhere, now that there was no one to regulate it. He was sure that the rabbit's meat would be rich with protein, something he desperately needed after so many weeks on nothing but bread, funky salami and water. And he could do with a warm pelt for when the cold summer would hit.

Nice.

He removed the arrow and stripped and disemboweled the rabbit on the site, not daring to bring anything more than strictly necessary to their camp. Bears and even wolves were scarce, but they still existed and he'd rather not bring them to the place where he'd spend the night.

The meat was beautifully pink and covered with a bit of white making his mouth start to salivate just thinking about how that would taste in his mouth.

He made his way through some wild underbrush, the branches and leaves of it aiming for his hips and stopped.

Jared was standing in the middle of their campground, looking into the distance, his face full of misery and pain, it made something inside of Jensen snap and break apart. He wanted to know what made Jared look like that, what he was thinking about. The moon had already risen; gray with silver strands penetrating through a thick canopy of trees. Some of 'em were losing leaves, only bare branches remaining, while some were too rich with green.

He cleared his throat: "Hope you have a fire goin', cause I got us a bunny."

He raised up the small body for Jared to see; his hands were covered with drying blood up to his elbows, he still had some fur stuck beneath his fingernails, but at least they'd have food.

"We can't."

His shoulders slumped: "What you mean, we can't?"

"It would be like a beacon sign, Jensen."

What the fuck? He didn't care.

"I don't care. I really, really don't care. Get the fire started and we'll eat this rabbit and it's gonna taste delicious and if your brother or his followers come I'll kill them all, because nothing's gonna keep me away from this," he pointed to the cooling carcass in his hand, "and me."

"Okay, all right."

"Great."

The meat was soft and delicious, baked just right above the fire so that it kept its juices that were running down Jensen's chin and smearing his lips.

"This what I call food."

"Mhmm…"

Jensen didn't care if the fire would attract Noah and his merry band of crazy, because this - this taste in his mouth, this delicious juices running down his fingers - was worth it.

"Jensen, go to sleep."

"Stop telling me what to do."

"'m not telling you what to do, 'm begging you."

"I can't sleep, there's just too much … too many things in my head."

"Do you want me to …"

"… no, no! You do that and I'll slit your throat while you sleep."

"Wouldn't kill me."

"Well, it would make me feel better."

"You can talk to me, ya know?"

"God, just shut up, wouldja?"

"Okay."

The forest was too loud; animals making a racket, bugs crawling all around the edges of the blanket, mosquitoes trying to get to his blood and every time he closed his eyes he saw Ashil's eyes; they'd been filled with murder, hatred, cold and calculating. He felt his whole right side flame up at the memory of the Icy poking at him, making him scream, making him bleed, making him feel burning cold.

"Jared?" his voice sounded gritty, barely above the buzz of a mosquito near his left ear. He was lying on his left side, his right feeling sore, as if there was a huge purple-green bruise there, but he knew there wasn't. There was nothing there but the feeling of soreness and ache. His back was to Jared and he could feel the warmth coming from the Icy in waves, hitting his spine like being whipped.

"Mmmm…"

"What did Ashil do to me?"

"He … he called for me."

"Yeah, but how?"

"You said that it burned cold, like the lake, right?"

"Yeah…"

"He touched your appendix."

Sure, his mind was a bit fuzzy, the night a good cloak to hide just how very tired he was and just how very on the edge of perhaps falling asleep he was, the constant buzz of insects loud in his ears, but …

"What?

"He touched …"

"Like you did? Did you call someone?"

"What? No, I didn't call anyone. To call someone, you have to actually touch it."

His tongue got stuck to the dry roof of his mouth and he didn't even feel when a mosquito bit him on the top of his hand.

"As in, touch it, touch it? Inside of me?" He placed his shaking, cold hand on his side, eyes as wide as the moon, because holy shit. Holy shit, holy shit, holyshit, holyshit, holyshit … Ashil had … touched … inside …

He rolled further onto his left and puked all of the rabbit and water he had inside of his stomach onto the leaves by the blanket's frayed edge.

"Jensen? Jensen!"

He couldn't stop heaving, because holy shit, hoooooly shit. He didn't even wanna know how, how the man had gotten inside there, how he had touched, with what he had touched. Holy fucking shit.

"Holy shit…" he gasped out, took a deep breath and heaved some more, spitting saliva onto the moonlit leaves.

"Jensen, hey!"

He felt a hand on his side; a light touch so very close to where he hurt, so close he ought to scream and pull himself away, but the palm across his ribs was hot and steady. He remembered just how many times that palm had cradled his tiny hands, how many times that palm had brushed away tears from his chubby cheeks, how many times it had given him food and water and soothed away his hunger.

Uncle S-sammy …

He rolled away, tugging himself from the touch: "Don't touch me!" spitting out more thick spit and pushing away the hand that was hovering above his side.

"Okay, 'm not gonna touch you, Jensen," and Jared wasn't touching, it was Jensen who was touching, who was still touching, his clammy fingers wrapped around Jared's wrist as tight as a vice. Jared rotated his hand and gripped Jensen around the wrist feeling the pulse go haywire under the cool skin, "but you need to stop puking."

"Shuuuut up." He growled.

"Jensen, we don't have a lot of water or food, come on, don't let all that rabbit go to waste."

At the mention of the rabbit he puked once more, remembering the animal's warm juices, all the melting fat, running down his chin and his fingers … he gagged and puked again. The rabbit tasted a lot, a lot worse than it did going down. He was swearing off rabbits for a while again.

"Jensen, please, just calm down. Come on, come on."

"Sh't up," he spat out and rolled over again puking out more chunks of meat, because fuck, Ashil had touched inside of him, had his dirty goddamn Icy paws on one of his organs, "shut up.." he whimpered.

He couldn't handle Jared's voice right then, couldn't handle his words nor the tone, nothing. He wanted silence; he felt as if he had just been skinned alive, felt raw and vulnerable and everything was like salt on an open wound.

"Jensen, stop."

He was pulled onto his back and that made him realize that huh, he had been holding onto Jared this whole time, no wonder he hadn't face planted into his own damn puke.

"Stop, stop, hey look at me. You need to stop and you need sleep, you understand me?

"No, please, pleaseplease just sh-shut up." His throat ached and speaking was like swallowing pointy rocks; the images flying in his brain of Ashil pushing … touching his … inside of him, through the skin …

He swallowed down more bile, because Jared was right; they had very little water, very little food and he couldn't be puking up what his body desperately needed. He knew he looked like crap; the moon was yellow like piss and he drew his knees up to his chest, trying to roll over onto his stomach, because fuuuuck … inside of him.

"Jensen, kiddo," a hand was on his knee, he could feel Jared's skin through the hole in his jeans, pushing his legs back down to the blanket, "just go to sleep, all right? We'll leave when you'll wake up. 's okay."

The last thing he saw was Jared's fist flying towards his face but he didn't feel it hit, the darkness came for him before his brain could register anything at all.

Jensen woke up with a groan and something dead in his mouth, but before he could do anything about it, a voice from behind him snapped: "Get up, we're leaving."

"Fuck happen' last night?" he smacked his lips together and grimaced, because talk about disgusting fuzzy teeth and rotten breath.

"Here," he turned around just in time to not be hit in his aching head by a half full bottle of water, "rinse your mouth, drink some and then we're goin'."

He looked at the bottle of water as if he had never seen a bottle of water, his brain feeling fuzzy, his eyes bleary, his right side aching and his jaw …

"You hit me."

"I had to, Jensen."

"Asshole."

"Fine, 'm an asshole, now come on. Drink some and then we're leaving."

He groaned and flopped back down to the blanked, rolling onto his left side and clutching the water bottle close to his chest.

"No! Jensen, get up or I'm leavin' your ass here!"

"'m used to it." he grumbled and closed his eyes, relaxing at the weight of the sloshing water near his chest.

"Get up!"

He did not expect to be gripped by his bicep and all but put on his feet, but that was exactly what happened. He had forgotten just how strong his uncle, no, Jared was.

"Rinse your mouth, drink some and then we're going. We still have more days of hiking. Move it!"

He hadn't forgotten what his uncle, no, Jared – damn it, brain wake the hell up - looked like pissed and one did not fool around with a pissed of uncle, Jared, Icy.

Fuck.

"You on your period?" he rinsed out his mouth and spat on the ground, doing it again and rolling his eyes at how Jared's lips formed a thin, white line and his eyes narrowed into angry little slits.

Jared could look as dangerous as he may when pissed, but Jensen could handle it. Hell, his hands were itching for a fight; the bow hunting last night just an intro to how much he wanted to fight and kill.

Jared's sigh, a breath signaling both disappointment and defeat, made Jensen's stomach clench: "I don't wanna fight you, Jensen. I need you one hundred percent and alive."

"So you'd kill me?"

"I never said that."

"You said, alive."

"I don't have to kill you to not make you alive anymore."

Okay, wait what? Sure he just woke up and he wasn't all present just yet, but what?

"What?"

Jared sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose: "We have to go Jensen. Odie … we need to talk to him."

"You can't just say shit like that and then end the conversation and, and, and say someone else will explain. You can't do that, damn it, Jared. It's annoying the living shit out of me and I seriously wanna punch you in the face for that. You're a living mystery and I'm sick and tired of it."

"I can't tell you something that's not on me to tell. I can't, because I don't have all the facts, I know bits and pieces and if I tell you those, you'll flip out and … Jensen, you're impulsive, you're unpredictable, you're all over the place. You're a killer with blood up to his elbows and you're scared as a little mouse. You're so scared that when I look at you, when I see how damn strong you are, how strong you taught yourself to be, it hurts me. Because you shouldn't be. No one should be like this. And it's all my fault. My fault. Mine. All of this," he expanded his hands to encompass the forest and the sky, "is on me. I chose to rise up, I chose for all of us to go see, I said yes to go see what the humans were up to. Everything is my fault. You being who you are, is my fault too. And I can't … I can't tell you anything more, because I can't connect the things I know into something that will make sense. We need Odie to … put things I know into something coherent. Do you understand me?"

Well then, what can one say to that?

"Well then, let's go see this Odie guy."

"Finish your water and let's go."

The water tasted sour and warm going down Jensen's throat and combined with what Jared just told him … he wanted to puke again. Curl up and puke.

He scratched the back of his hand instead, seeing a red bump that itched like crazy: "Goddamn mosquitoes, couldn't you've killed them when you rose?"

"Don't joke about that."

Shit.

"Sorry, sorry. What crawled up your ass today and died?" he took another swallow of the warm liquid, feeling it soothe his parched throat and chase away the taste of rotten meat.

"You."

"Nasty."

"Yeah, you've no idea."

The words Jared had said bugged the crap out of Jensen the whole trek up a steep hill that wasn't actually a hill, once they broke through the forest line, but the beginning of a high mountain. The soft, leaf-covered ground was soon replaced by gravel and they both had to be extra careful of their footing; one wrong step and there would go an ankle or worse, a broken leg or a fall into death.

But the words; unpredictable, impulsive, all over the place, scared, strong. Fuck yeah he was strong, but damn no, he wasn't scared. He wasn't a pussy who hid under a blanky shaking and shivering and crying because buu-fucking-hoo the world sucked. He took charge, he survived, he lived, he explored, he ate and drank and yeah, he killed, but who didn't kill? At least he didn't rape anyone, he fucked around yeah, but it was all consensual on both sides, and yeah he stole crap too, but sometimes that had been the only way.

Scared? Fucker didn't know what he was talking about.

Scared? Pffft.

He scoffed and stepped over a small bush of some dark violet flowers that were looking all sad like and dry. He'd have kicked them, but he wasn't a sulking child – and it would just give Jared even more ammunition to say dumbass crap to him.

So he nicely stepped over the little bush and crunched more gravel beneath his boot.

Everything was so very dry around him; the sun was high up beating down on him like he was stuck in an oven, there were no clouds anywhere on the blue sky and the gray-white pebbles beneath his feet were radiating so much heat he could feel it go through his boots and all but burn his soles.

Scared? Whatever…

He gripped the strap of his quiver, the weight of eleven arrows more comforting to him than a satchel full of food and marched on, following Jared's broad back. The man wasn't even breaking a sweat, climbing up through all of this sinking pebbles and dry, sad looking plants, while he had a stream of sweat running down his spine and down between his pecks.

Scared? Who the hell did he think he was?

Jensen stopped, wiped his face with the hem of his shirt and looked up at the blue, cloudless sky.

Scared? He wasn't scared, he was petrified. He was erratic, because if he wouldn't be, he'd be dead by now. He was all over the place, because if he'd calm down, he'd kill himself. He was angry and strong, because that was what made his survival possible. He had trouble thinking sometimes, thinking things through, putting things in order, but if he'd stop and do that, he'd be dead in seconds.

"'m not scared!"

He yelled to Jared and smirked when the man stopped dead a few feet away from him, but the smirk died on his face, when Jared turned around, whispered: "Yeah…" turned back around and started walking again.

Fuck!

He ran up the hill and grabbed Jared by the shirt, tugging, making him lose his footing on the uneven ground which made it easier for Jensen to fling Jared hard left and down the hill. He watched as Jared fell on his ass first and then began sliding down the pebbly incline for a few feet, stopping close to one of those violet flowers bushes.

"'m not scared!" he shouted again, watching a line of green blood run down Jared's cheek. It felt good, making the Icy bleed. It felt good … this fight, made him wanna beat Jared's face into a bloody pulp.

He rocked on his heels, the desire to fight making his whole body tremble with tension. If Jared hadn't been so far away from him and he wasn't tired already from the hike, he'd go back down there and kick and punch and slash away with his knife. Maybe even shoot some arrows; he hadn't used his bow in a few hours and his fingers were starting to itch more than the mosquito bite.

He clenched his jaw as he watched Jared slowly get back up to his feet, dusting down his jeans and clapping his palms to get rid of the embedded pebbles. He frowned when he saw Jared pick up a few of the tiny violet blooms, maybe five or so, because what the hell? 's he gonna bring him a bouquet?

He stood his ground, feet dug into the gravel, hands by his sides and fire in his eyes. He knew he looked the exact opposite of Jared, who was walking back up the hill with long strides, wiping away the green blood with the flowers in his hand.

There was sadness in Jared's eyes, sadness and acceptance of how things were, of how things had to be. Sadness and pity and calmness and not a trace of anger. He knew the Icy wouldn't fight him, wouldn't hurt him – not really – wouldn't do anything to provoke him. Like Jared had said, the Icy needed him one hundred percent and Jensen knew what that meant, because it had been Jared who taught him about percentages and numbers and other semi-useless things.

Jensen clenched his still achy jaw tighter, pulling his fingers into a tight fist, tapping it on his thighs, breathing out when his right one came in contact with the strap of his knife's holster. He didn't need pity, didn't need anyone to be sad for him.

"I don't wanna fight you, Jensen." Jared said when he came closer and there was not a trace of the hike the Icy had to do all over again. No heavy breathing, no sweat, no sunburns, no wavering in his steps. Nothing. Just calmness and eyes turning from brown to specks of orange-yellow-blue-green-ochre.

"You call me a coward and expect me not to fight?"

"I didn't call you a coward, don't twist my words, 's not who you are."

"You don't know who I am!"

The sun was relentless, hot and bright, reflecting from the gravel, making him squint from time to time. The heat and the anger he was feeling stomping around inside of his body, were making him sway on his feet.

"I know exactly who you are, Jensen. I know you better than you know yourself."

"You don't."

"These last few days … I got to know you pretty well."

"You couldn't've."

"I did."

"Don't lie." The words left his mouth through clenched teeth and he could actually see spittle hitting Jared's chest.

"'m not lying. 's why we need to get to Odie and I don't wanna fight you or fight with you."

He didn't feel himself raise his hand, nor did he feel when his fist connected with Jared's jaw, all he could see was Jared's head twisting to the side and his own knuckles starting to bleed. The pain came after. The pain always came after.

"Mmmmh, ow, damnit, Jensen."

He looked at Jared rubbing his jaw and then down to his skin split knuckles and then back to Jared.

He wasn't sorry. He wasn't sorry at all, because the man was frustrating with all this mystery bullcrap and Odie this and Odie that and he wasn't sorry.

But he was sorry. He had been taught by Alineja to not hit family, but Jared wasn't family, but he was family. He was his uncle, but he wasn't his real uncle, but he had been as real as someone could be. He wasn't sorry.

He looked down at his knuckles again, pretty sure he might've broken or at least sprained something in his hand, because it was hurting. The sun on his skin was hurting and a cry of an eagle pierced his brain, like someone had whistled right into his ear.

"'m s-s-sorry, I …"

He looked back up at Jared and the Icy was nothing but a solid wall between him and the valley below them, Jared's eyes glinting blue-bright yellow with a dot of orange right by his pupil-dark green because of the sun.

The man was in Icy.

And he was his uncle.

"I know, 's okay, Jensen."

He rubbed his knuckles with his other hand, running his fingers lightly over the bloody skin, hissing when the pad of his thumb caught on a wound. He was glad that he'd washed his hands thoroughly after the hunt, because he didn't need to catch any diseases and rabbits could make him sick a lot and …

"Jensen…" he looked up into Jared's eyes and shuddered when a drop of sweat ran down his neck, "do you know what these are?"

He looked down into Jared's open palm and saw those tiny violet flowers, just sitting there uncrushed, still as beautiful as they had been while still attached to the stems. The only addition to them was Jared's green blood.

But they were still beautiful and smelled of something really nice, something that made him think of Alineja.

"N-no." he stuttered. He had no idea what they were, but the smell was intoxicating. The warmth must've made them bleed some oils or something, because they were starting to look a bit … shiny, oily, wilting. Dying there on Jared's palm, bathed in their oils and the Icy's blood.

"Humans don't, most of 'em anyway. Your medicine women and men, they know it. They use it."

He gasped, but before he could say anything about drugs and nonono, Jared had placed the palm with the flowers against his lips, all but dropping them into his half open mouth. Jared's other hand went around his waist, forearm pushing into his lower back, fingers lightly pressing into his uninjured side and he was spun around, the scenery flying by as if he was drunk. His back hit Jared's chest so fast and so easy like he was made of clay; easily manipulated into all shapes and forms.

He couldn't fight it.

He didn't wanna fight it.

"It's all right, come on, swallow 'em." Jared breathed against his ear, pulling him even closer, making his chest puff out with his spine bowed like that, making his head tuck under Jared's chin.

The mountain peak looked like a pencil this way; a pencil with a broken tip, shining in the sunlight.

"Swallow Jensen, it's okay."

He breathed through his nose, loud huffs of air. The eagle was soaring up high, near the peak and then flying lower, closer to them, its white head stunningly bright against the blue sky.

"Swallow…"

He swallowed down the tiny flowers, not even feeling them go down his throat; they didn't scratch nor tickle. Didn't even feel solid anymore, his saliva turning them into mush that just slid down his throat like the best soup one would kill for. The fact that they were laced with Jared's blood didn't even cross his mind.

"That's it. That's good. 's okay. 's all right."

He had heard of 'crooning', of how people did that to soothe or whatthefuckever, and it was exactly what the Icy was doing. Crooning the words into his ear and he'd feel absolutely mortified and going for his knife right then, if he hadn't started to feel … odd.

The anger, the fear, the fight began leaking out of him – he could feel it all go away, slide out of him and into the ground that was shining even more brightly than before. He fell against Jared's chest, limp and defeated, trusting Jared to hold him up and not let him fall on his ass. He was embarrassed as it was, he didn't need a bruised ass on top of everything too.

He could feel Jared's finger stroke his right side, probably right on top of his appendix and it hurt, making him cry out.

"Jensen, just fall asleep, okay. I gotcha, just go to sleep."

He didn't want to sleep. They had to get to this Odie guy and get some answers and get shit done and sorted and then he could go back to his own life and what the hell was even going on here?

A sob escaped when he felt Jared remove his hand from his mouth to wrap it around his chest, like a too tight band. He wanted to grip the man's arm and pull it away, but everything was feeling like it was made of liquid. His arms and legs were liquid; couldn't have moved them even if he tried really hard.

All was floating and fluctuating. The mountain peak was getting blurry, the sky was starting to get darker and darker and the eagle soaring up in the sky became hundreds upon hundreds of birds of prey. They covered the entire sky, no blue left, descending down towards him with their yellow beaks first to grab him and drag him to hell.

"J-j-jjared…"

He was horrified, he was petrified; scared to the point where he couldn't even draw in a good enough breath and the heavy arm across his chest wasn't doing him any favors.

He didn't want to be dragged down to hell by claws that would tear his skin into tiny strips and let all the souls he had ever tore from their bodies to get him.

"I gotcha, you're safe. Just go to sleep. Go to sleep, Jensen. I gotcha. Trust me, just go to sleep."

Why couldn't the man understand that sleep brought dreams and dreams were never good?

There was no eagle or eagles anywhere, there was no mountain peak anywhere either, there was no gravel underneath his fingers, there were just green tree leaves. Everywhere he looked there were tree leaves and a bleeding sky above them.

Sunset.

"Yuhh drgghed meeh."

His tongue felt heavy, stuck to the roof of his mouth, while his lips just couldn't part all the way yet. They were stuck together with dry skin … he needed water.

"How you feeling?"

A warm hand was placed under his head, gripping his nape and pushing his heavy head up.

"Drugghd me."

"Here, drink some."

The water tasted good; soft and cool giving him back some moisture that he had lost God knows when and where.

"Okay, slow, slow, easy. All right, now, how do you feel?"

He tried to glare at Jared, who was crouched before him, but couldn't muster up the energy. He just let Jared put his head back down to the ground and resumed staring up at the leaves.

"Drugged me. I don't … don't do drugs."

"I'm sorry, but you needed sleep. It wasn't drugs, not … not as such. It was just some … something to help you sleep, sleeping pills."

"You drugged me."

"I'm sorry, but Jensen, hey look at me."

He didn't want to, the leaves and the sky were too beautiful not too look at, not to get lost in the colors; green on red.

"Look at me!"

His head snapped into Jared's direction: "You drugged me."

Jared took a deep breath and released it slowly: "You needed sleep, you needed rest. I didn't drug you, I just gave you something to help you sleep."

"Drugged me." He looked back up to the sky and the leaves.

"You sound like you did when you were five."

"I hate you. I hate you so much."

Jared sighed: "I know you do."

"I don't … I don't even know why I'm going with you anywhere. I don't remember agreeing to go with you. I don't remember … I … I don't know when we decided to go anywhere together. I don't …" he looked back at Jared, "… what did you do to me?"

"Nothing, hey, Jensen, I didn't do anything. I didn't. Hey, listen to me. I didn't do anything, we just … it's easier. Noleih is … we can't let him find you. Me. Us. And we need to get to Odie."

Jensen licked his chapped lips: "You're lying."

Jared looked sad as he shook his head: "'m not lying."

"Whatever."

"Look, can you get some more sleep, otherwise we'll be leaving."

"Slept enough. Where are we?"

"Other side of the mountain."

"You carried me?"

"Yeah."

Jensen thumped his head to the ground a few times, trying to shake his brain into working.

"Okay," he rolled to his side and rose up to sit, "we can go," and groaned his way up to his feet.

He swayed a bit and clutched his head, the ringing in there getting louder before getting quieter again.

"How do you feel?"

"Fine."

"Jensen…"

"'m fine, back off."

"All right."

It was always one step forward, thousands steps backwards with Jensen. Always had been like that, even when he'd been a kid. Crying one minute, laughing the next. Wanting food one minute and refusing to eat the next. Fussy kid, he had been, and so damaged now.

Jared just hoped that getting Jensen to Odie wouldn't result in a Jared's death, b Odie's death and c Jensen completely shutting down.

But there was no other choice. They had to get to Odie. There was no other way, even if Jared wanted it to be. He wanted to tell Jensen everything, but couldn't. What he had said had been true. He had facts, bits and pieces of it, but he needed Odie to tie it all into something coherent, something that Jensen would understand. And Odie; the guy had an effect on whoever stumbled upon him that Jensen probably wouldn't be able to escape from even if he tried.

Bringing Jensen to Odie was good. Was right. Needed to be done.

"Let's go."

"Yeah."

"Just I gotta take a leak and uh … and then we can go."

"Check the leaves for ticks before you, ya know."

"What? Shut up … Jesus …"

"Well I don't wanna be pulling a tick out of your ass."

"Asshole! No, no don't say anything. Just shut up."

"Well it wouldn't be the first time…"

"What? Just, no don't answer anything. Just sit there and … I'll be back."

"Tickless, I hope."

Jensen shook his head and waddled to a hopefully tick-free place.

Travelling by night was super-fan-tastic, especially when one couldn't see three inches from one's face and trees just kept on popping from nowhere.

He could hear all the snorts and snickers coming from Jared every time a branch hit him on the nose and he was delighted that he could provide the son of an Icy bitch some entertainment.

Delighted.

"Stop laughing and just get us the hell away from here."

"Hey, you wanted to lead, you lead."

"I didn't want to lead, I wanted to get as far away from you."

"Then deal with it."

Jared could see just fine; every twig, branch, tree trunk, stone, bush, fern, even animals that only came out at night. He could see them all and it was amusing watching Jensen struggle to make his way through the thick underbrush.

The forests – After – had become untamed with no one to take care of them. The trees just grew and grew and when they died, they fell down and kept on dying. Bushes, shrubs, moss and fern, they grew tall and all over the place, reminding Jared a bit of what he had seen when he'd first encountered humans. That forest behind the human on that beach had been just as wild as the forests were right now.

"Ow, damn it!"

"Shhh, keep your voice down."

"Why? You sense someone?"

"No, but … you never know."

Jared was right; one could never be too careful so Jensen zipped his mouth shut and walked, or tried to, ahead.

"Do you know how much further to the guy's place?"

"Half a day, maybe more."

"Swell."

The darkness was oppressive, a heavy weight on Jensen's chest and back, squeezing his breath out and punching into his ribs.

"You okay?"

"What? Yeah."

"You seem a bit … short of breath."

"'m okay."

The darkness with its lack of light and its shadows from the moon and its noises; screeching, screaming, scratching, slapping … with its smells, like fire and smoke and ash.

"Jensen!"

"'m okay…"

"You're not okay, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, let's just go."

"Jensen …"

"Please, let's just go."

"Are you still hurtin'?"

"What? No."

But he was. He was feeling lightheaded, tired, his jaw hurt – probably had a bruise there the size of the ocean - and his right side hurt too. He remembered Jared's fingers there up at the side of the mountain, but …

"What did you do to me?"

"Nothing, I swear. 's your side hurting?"

Fuck it.

"Yeah."

"It's bruised. I didn't do anything, but I can't make it all right. If I do, everyone will feel it and find you. Right now you're lost in so much noise from other humans, but … if I do anything, you'll become louder. Just … I swear, I didn't do anything. I can't do anything."

"I don't wanna know, I just … I don't, okay?"

"Okay."

Jensen wanted to know, Jared could tell, because he kept asking questions and then backing off, but he wanted to know. Jared smiled; Odie would have his hands full with Jensen.

The night became dawn after what felt like years. They walked throughout the night, not stopping even if the terrain was difficult; steep at some points and littered with thick shrubbery at others, but they couldn't stop.

Jensen was so close to answers, and Jared … maybe, perhaps, really close to ending all of this.

He just hoped that Odie was … was still good and alive.

CHAPTER 4 _II_ CHAPTER 6