The Snap Of A Bone

[soncnica]

Title: The Snap Of A Bone
Author: soncnica
Rating: R, coz of language
Genre/pairing: Jared, Jensen, h/c
Characters: Jared, Jensen
Word count: cca. 1.700 words
Summary: Jensen gets send to a camp. Jared is the psychologist there. J2-AU. This story is a continuation of A Bone Snapping, which is a continuation of The Bones Are Bending.
Warnings: Umm, child abuse!!!!, suicide attempt&talk, language. And Jensen is 16 and Jared is 26; I played with their ages a little, and I don't care.
Disclaimer: I seriously only own the grammar/spelling mistakes. Everything else is not mine!
A/N: Story no.6 in the Kosti!verse.

He stumbles once, twice, three times but manages to catch himself with his hands grabbing weakly at a tree or a rock that are scattered alongside the path. When he stumbles for the forth time, the soles of his feet hurtin' whenever he puts pressure on them, he falls down on his knees. Gracelessly, with a crunch of needles when his boney knees hit them. His hands fall to the ground, supporting his weight and he pulls his fingers into a loose fist, grabbing hold of dead leaves. It's like holding a soft hand, a soft hand he had never held in his entire life. He hates kneeling. His mother often makes him kneel in the corner when he's especially bad. When she says he is especially bad. The pain in his knees after being on them for hours and the pull on his shoulders after having his arms behind his back ... but he never cries. Never gives his parents that satisfaction.

He starts puking all that is in his stomach down on the path, between his hands. The pain in his knees, the pain in his throat ... but he's not at home, he's in a camp his brother mysteriously got him into, on a path trying to run away. Trying to run away and get himself a life.

He pukes some more. Maybe he's not meant to have a life.

-:-

He's shaking, his elbows twitching and trying to buckle. The vomit between his hands is nasty, tastes sour in his mouth and smells even worse but he can't make himself stop, because maybe if he pukes everything out, makes himself puke until he'll start puking blood, then maybe he'll get rid of all the medicine he had been forced to shove down his throat and is now moving around in his system and then maybe he'll be able to show people who he really is.

Who he really is and not who his parents created. Who the society created. He's not the son of a devil, well not the real devil anyways, he hasn't decided what his father is really, and he's not a worthless piece of shit who uses up air when he isn't supposed to, he isn't a moron or an idiot or a lowlife scum that a whore spewed out ... although he does think his mother is a whore.

He isn't what people say he is.

But...

... he is because he just feels so numb all the time, feels like he's floating in space between getting beaten and yelled at, feels like his brain is always stuck in some limbo between off and on and he wants to wake up. Wake up.

Just wake up.

-:-

He pushes a shaky finger down his throat and nudges something there, because before he can remove his finger, warm bile starts running out of his mouth. His eyes are wide open and watering, tears and snot running down his face. He's trying to see if little pills will start falling out of his mouth.

They don't and isn't that just another thing to be disappointed about.

-:-

Maybe, maybe he needs to do something else. Something more. Maybe he needs to get a knife again; doesn't matter what kind as long as it's sharp and cut, cut real deep and bleed the pills out. Maybe, maybe push his fingers in the open wound and dig around for the pills and pull them out.

Maybe that will work better that vomiting.

But the look on Jared's face, when he caught him with that knife.

Jared.

He scrambles to his feet, saliva and strings of snot, tears and puke mixing with sweat still running down his face, and stumble-walks a few more feet to a brown wooden door and collapses against it.

He was that close to the shrink's cabin? But ... but wasn't he trying to run away? Find freedom?

He can't think anymore. He feels weak. He feels himself fading. He feels himself go cold and he wonders if this is how death feels. Is this how death feels? He's going to have to ask Jared that.

-:-

He's leaning on the door, the sight before him all darkness interrupted by the silver moonlight. There's thousands of trees all around him, concealing a few cabins and a lake, where Annie lost the top of her bathing suit, to the delight of some boys. He snickers at the thought of her scream when she realized her boobs were naked.

Only if life could always be that fun.

-:-

He bangs his head on the door; he has no strength to do anything else. His fingers are twitching where they're lying on the wooden porch, his legs are extended before him and his stomach aches like someone poured acid down his throat. He's trembling and his chest feels too tight.

He thinks back the day of Annie going naked on them and wonders if one day a girl who will love him will go naked just for him. He's sixteen, his hormones should be going crazy on him, but what with all the shit he's forced to take, he just feels nothing. He only laughed at her, because everyone else did, but instead of feeling something in his pants, he felt nothing.

He just wants to feel something.

He bangs his head on the door again; stronger now.

And apparently that made enough noise to wake Jared up, because the next thing he knows is that the solid mass behind his back is moving inward fast and then he's falling through warm, bright air to land on his back.

"What the...?"

Jared's voice is part total shock and part fear; that much he can tell.

He blinks and that is not a tear that just rolled down his cheek.

It's not.

-:-

"Jensen?"

He blinks again, and again that is not a tear that just slid down his cheek.

It's not.

-:-

He can't move, not really, all he can do is lay there, arms laying limp by his sides, his legs unmoving, his chest hurting like he had just ran a few miles. His mouth feels like something is rotting in there, his throat burns and hurts, but ... he feels good.

Feels safe, laying here on the floor. Feels like nothing and no one can touch him. Even if Jared's crouching by his side, his face hovering above him and his warm fingers are pressed to his neck probably checking for a pulse.

He blinks away tears, that aren't tears, when he whispers: "Help me..."

"Jensen?"

"P...please, h..help me."

He curls into a ball next to Jared's knees, right there on the wooden floor, the guy's hand stuck beneath his head as a pillow and whispers: "M...make it s...s...stop." before closing his eyes and falling into darkness.

He can't deal with the world anymore. He can't feel this safety whenever he's close to Jared and then feel the hurt when he's away. He can't deal with his life anymore.

Can't deal with the constant fear of when this camp will be over, he will have to return to his parents.

The darkness has always been so soothing.

Bones Deep

Comments

[2blueshoes.livejournal.com]

OMG ! This is heart wrenching. I'm full of feels right now. Pleeease keep up this story.

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hi! :)

Thank you so much for reading! And awww, I'm sorry, but on the other hand I'm beaming right now, because FEEEEEEELINGS is what I want from readers! :))) *hugs you*

S.

[frostfalcon.livejournal.com]

This is just so painful and yet well handled. I hope that you carry on and eventually let Jensen have as happy an ending as you can manage..

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey! Thank you for reading and saying its well handled, because I have to admit that its a very hard topic to write about and do it well! And oh I will continue this until the end, for sure because the ending is already done and its .... ya know ... an ending :-) I just have to get from here to there :-):-)

Thank you!

S.

[sam-dean-lover.livejournal.com]

great

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And awww your icon, aww the hug .... that scene was awesome! :-)

S.

[tebtosca.livejournal.com]

This verse is so heart-wrenching! Poor Jensen!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey! Yeah, poor kiddo! But life sometimes just isn't all love and safety, right? *sigh*
Thank you for reading!

S.

[serendip50.livejournal.com]

Oh YAY!! I love this verse...so happy that you found some time to update:).

This feels so very forsaken, such deep despair in the devastating narrative. At least Jensen is finally seeking help...Asking for help is always part of the battle. Though I'm sure he still has a long and difficult road ahead.

Loved the image of a weary and ravaged Jensen falling through the open door. Such a powerfully visceral and beautifully exploited image.

I can't wait to read more. x

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey babe! :-)
Yeah FINALLY found some time to finish this one, phew :-) took awhile, but ... better late than never I say and now that I know people wanna read and are looking forward to it, it's much easier to go emotionally into this story :-) *hugs you*

Yeah, Jensen is a smart, smart kid, even with everything that is going on in his life. And he is tough, but he can't be tough forever. And its like his mind is battling with his brain, he wants to run away, yet he wants to seek help from Jared. And he is smart enough to know that Jared will help. :-):-) yeah the road ahead is gonna be hard, but, we will see where the boys will take me :-)

:-):-):-) you liked the scene? It was the 1st one done for this story, then I had to write everything around it, I just wanted Jensen to fall through the open door lol, so glad you liked it :-):-)

I will try to write it fast :-) thank you!

*smishes you*

S.

[ayane42.livejournal.com]

wow, so awesome!!

so heart wrenching!! really really get in Jensen's head, all that hurt he's feeling, guh!!!

more please?

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hi! Thank you! :-):-)
Eeeeee, awesome, if you can go into Jensen's head here, that means I did my job well :-):-):-) thank you! :-)

There will be more! :-):-):-)

S.

[tcs1121.livejournal.com]

Many times (most times) when I'm reading a WIP or series and the author updates, I go back and read the previous chapter to refresh myself as to where we are.

Not this. I remembered exactly what happened prior and where we are. I'm pleased to hear that you have all intentions of completing this verse.

Yay you! *\0/*

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey!
Oooooo, wow, that is a compliment! I try my best to continue from where we ended last time :-) and just continue with the emotions and everything and yeah, thank you for saying that, because I am always scared that I maybe missed something from the previous story :-) :-)

And yes, I will finish this, even if it's really hard to write this, going into Jensen's hurting mind is really difficult, but I kinda love exploring it, so yes, this will definitely be finished :-) thank you :-)

S.

[completelyurban.livejournal.com]

Ohh how happy I am to see an update in this verse!!

You write with such beauty and depth that I can feel the emotion radiating from this chapter. I am completely in love with these two characters and you've dealt with Jensen's pain with such delicacy without dulling down the terrible pain of abuse.

I can't wait to see Jared's reaction to this scene. This really is one of my favourite Jared/Jensen stories, and I've read hundreds. The way you portray the boys here is just so heartbreaking and honest and it's such a pleasure and honor to read.

I am dying to see more!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Oooooh hey you! :-) I'm really happy to see your comment here! *beams* :-)
Thank you, like I said a few time, its really difficult to go into Jensen's state of mind, because I know nothing about abuse (emotional or physical), but I try my best to come close to it and write about it and make the readers hurt with Jensen, because the kid is hurting, no question about that :-) so every comment I get on this story, I cherish like chocolate lol. And yes, I don't want to dull anything, I want this to be brutal and raw and painful, because well life can sometimes be like that, right? :-)

Lol, well I can tell you that Jared won't have a lot of time to react, beforeJensen will ... erm, I'll shut up, why ruin the story, right? Lol :-):-)

Oh thank you! Wow, thank you! I just hope that somewhere along the way I won't totally butcher the characters :-):-):-):-) thank you!

See you next update! :-):-):-)

S.

[11beurownhero.livejournal.com]

i love this. thank-you for continuing it and i look forward to reading the rest!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey! Thank you for reading :-):-) and I am already working on the next part :-):-) hope to see you then too :-)

S.

[somer.livejournal.com]

Finally had time to catch up with this verse!!! And holy damn, poor Jensen. I loved the fact that he ended up at Jared's cabin. Searching for freedom and ending up at that cabin like his subconscious just knew where he'll find the help he needs.

Awesome update, can't wait, can't wait, can't wait for the next part :D

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Heey!
And I am super glad that you did! :-):-) :-)
*giggles* that was my intention... his brain is telling him to ruuuun, yet his heart and body kinda force him to go to Jared, because its safe there :-):-):-)

Thank you so much for reading, and I can't wait to start on the next story. :-)
S.

[ferrous-wheeler.livejournal.com]

Poor Jensen!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know.. *sigh* Jared will try to fix him, I promise :-)

S.