A Bone Snapping

[soncnica]

Title: A Bone Snapping
Author: soncnica
Rating: R, coz of language
Genre/pairing: Jared, Jensen, h/c
Characters: Jared, Jensen
Word count: cca.1.550 words
Summary: Jared hasn't been the psychologist at Camp Gamble long. He always wanted to work with kids - troubled kids - but now it looks like he might be in over his head. Jensen is 16, Jared is 26. J2-AU This story is a continuation of The Bones Are Bending which is a continuation of Bendin' Bones .
Warnings: Umm, child abuse!!!!, language. And Jensen is 16 and Jared is 26; I played with their ages a little, and I don't care.
Disclaimer: I seriously only own the grammar/spelling mistakes. Everything else is not mine!
A/N: Story no.5 in the Kosti!verse.

He's sweating, his skin feels hot and clammy and too tight on his bones, itchy in places he can't scratch. His clothes are drenched and if he'd get up from the bed right now, people would think he pissed himself. Which he's pretty sure he didn't, but he still slides his hand down to his crotch to feel it. No, just sweat. Good, good.

He slept in the shrink's cabin last night; in a warm soft bed, surrounded by a feel of safety so goddamn strong he'd weep if he was a pussy, but... 'safe' was something so unknown to him that when the feeling spread through his veins, it just felt so good. So warm.

To sleep.

Safe, without the constant fear of his parents walking into his room to scream at him that he is the devils son and thus doesn't deserve to sleep at all.

He sighs into the pillow and clutches the fabric until his knuckles turn white. He hadn't felt like that since... too long. Maybe since he was a baby. Or maybe since never, really.

But he's in his own bed now, lying on a lumpy mattress that had probably been used more times than he can imagine, with three more guys snoring away beside him.

He doesn't feel safe here, doesn't feel warm.

He feels trapped. He doesn't know these boys. He doesn't know what they're capable of, but by the looks in their eyes whenever he looks at them... they're capable of a lot. But it's okay, he probably had worse through his life than whatever these guys can cook up. He beat up one of them once, he can beat them again.

He still feels like he's gonna explode in this darkness and sound, though.

He can feel his heartbeat in his throat go miles per hour, can feel sweat run and tickle down his back, down his spine, and through the loud snores, he can hear his brother's voice whisper: "Jensen, buddy, I don't know how to help you. Don't know what to do."

Joshua had looked sad that day. So sad Jensen would be able to cut the sadness with a knife, if he would've been allowed to handle a knife in his brother's presence.

He loves his brother, loves him so much it feels strange to him that he can love someone who shares the same genes and blood with the people who despise him, but he does. Joshua is the only reason why he's still alive, because Josh had stopped that knife so many times, stopped those pills, stopped him from drowning so many times, he can't even count anymore. He had healed his wounds so many times and he owes him everything. His brother is the only reason his body and brain are still working and aren't permanently lost in pain and medication.

But he knows Joshua is just as lost and helpless as he is. He knows his brother doesn't know how to deal with their parents, all the people, all the doctors. He knows Joshua doesn't know what to do, how to fight, how to help him get away, doesn't know what the fuck to do.

He knows this. He knows Josh would do anything to help, if he just knew how and if their parents didn't hold things against him too. They are both fucked up and sentenced to this life. He knows this, but still... he won't give up. Won't give in. For Josh if not for himself. He owes him at least one chance of maybe getting free from their parents. If Josh gave him this camp, then he can at least try.

So the very last words Joshua had said to him when finally getting their parents to let him go to this camp, were "Jensen, buddy..." and the look in his eyes said "get help, for Chrissake Jens, ask for help, do anything to get away."

He still doesn't know what exactly Josh did, that made their parents let him go to this camp, because fucking God knows they never let him out of their sight, but his brother was limping a little when he told him where he was going. He had never asked and he thinks that Josh would never tell anyways.

And then, that was that. Well, he got a nice beating from his father and some very creative insults from his mother as a goodbye gift - some kids get chocolate and a warm hug, he thinks - but he could deal with those, because he had his brother's words for comfort to hold on to, while his father's belt made his back bleed and his mother's words made his heart bleed.

-:-

He turns on his back to stare at the ceiling. It had been nice sleeping in Jared's cabin, quiet ... and the guy didn't try to hurt him, he talked a lot, but nothing hurtful, which was... good. A first for him. Well except for his brother, he never said a hurtful word to him. But everyone else... fuck 'em.

So maybe he can trust Jared?

Maybe?

The guy'd already seen him, seen his back and all the scars, seen the pain, fuck he'd seen him cry like a little baby, seen him weak, and he never tried to hurt him with that. Not with his hands nor with his words.

But people can be vicious. Lure you in with nice words and cookies and puppies and gentle touches and then they strike faster than a snake.

But Josh said to get help. To seek a way out.

Maybe Jared?

Maybe he can help?

What's the worst that can happen, really? His parents and all the people around him had already stripped him bare so... what could Jared possibly do worse than what everyone else had already done?

Kill him? Because that's all there still is to do, but he would much rather die of his own hand thank you very much.

But the guy wouldn't do that, because he's pretty sure there's some shrink code of not killing kids.

Right?

He sighs just as Lucas - the kid on his left - snorts and turns around.

He wants to run away. Just go. Somewhere. Out into the woods. Just go, God, just go and get himself lost and live in a cave or something, just go away from people and the world that had done nothing else to him but cut him and bleed him.

This camp is his perfect opportunity for that. Maybe... maybe that's what Joshua had meant. Just run. Get away and not like ask someone for help, because that had never ever turned the way they both wanted. They had asked, pleaded, cried and fought doctors to listen to them, don't give them any more meds, because it's not them who are sick, but their parents, but no one listened, no one cared. No one stopped to see and hear their scars and their words. Their parents' words were just too strong to beat with little children voices.

He twists his head towards the window. He won't cry.

It would be so easy to run and go into that forest; its dark, no one would see him, no one would start missing him until breakfast if at all, and he could get so far until then.

So far from everyone. So far from himself.

He's sweating so hard he's going to drown in it, if he won't stop soon. And he's thirsty, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth.

He uncovers himself and gets up from the bed, silent as a mouse and no one even stirs when he opens and closes the cabins door.

He will go. Get away and cease to exist.

He will, because the darkness out there in the woods is like a living, breathing thing inviting him to come, come, come away with me, I'll make you disappear. Won't hurt you.

-:-

The path he takes is all pebbles and pine needles, crunching and soft beneath his bare feet and he's still sweating, the sweat running into his eyes and when he brushes it away, he notices that his hair is soaking wet too.

It's not raining. Is it?

Why is he sweating so badly? What's happening to him? He can't be sick, he just can't. He doesn't wanna be forced to bed and on more medication. He can't...

The moon is out tonight, which makes his walk better, makes him see where he's stepping, makes him take all the right turns, makes him avoid all the "night-watchers" that walk around the camp, checking if all is okay.

Even if everyone told him time and time again that he's as stupid as they come and then some, and the pills he had to take for a problem he did not have numbed his mind throughout the years, he knows deep down that he's as smart as a freaking MENSA member and he has studied the layout of the camp and the rotation and the paths of the "night-watchers", knows this place better than the place knows itself.

And it's like a bone snapping somewhere deep inside of him… he's going to get away. Or die trying.

The Snap Of A Bone


A/N: WOW, a long break with this one, but I am back. I didn't know that so many people actually READ this verse, so it felt sooo good to get so many nudges to write more of this. Thank you to all!!

Comments

[butterfly1onch.livejournal.com]

I just found the verse and read all the stories at once and I'm hooked! Can't wait for a continuation! Great story!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey!
Yay, thank you so much for reading and commenting... and wow all the stories? Awesome :-):-):-) thank you..
And yup there is more coming :-):-):-):-) dunno when exactly, because my mind is stuck on another story, but i should be done with that one soon and then i will be back to this verse.... thank you! So happy you liked this :-):-):-)

S.

[apieceofcake.livejournal.com]

Glad to see more of this, thanks!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey...
Yup there is more and more lol :-)
Thank you so much for reading!

S.

[kc246.livejournal.com]

Yay! So happy to see an update. :) I love this verse!! Poor Jensen, my heart aches at how lost and hurt he is. :( Jared needs to help him and soon!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey :-)
Thank you for asking about this verse, otherwise I would have never returned to it, even if I really want to write more :-)
I am so happy you are liking this .. I have 3 more stories in this verse already writen, but I have to polish them and so on :-)
So there will definitely be more, Jensen has a tough road in front of him and
Jared will be there to help him :-) thank you for reading :-)

S.

[kc246.livejournal.com]

I’m glad I was able to help encourage you to write more as I adore this verse! I was so happy when I saw there was a new chapter and my excited squee was so loud that it woke my poor dog up who was asleep next to me at the time, lol. :)

I forgot to mention in my previous reviews that I really love the name of the verse! From your explanation I know the word Kosti means bone in Slovene and it so fitting for this verse! I also found out that if a person is named Kosti then it means that you are responsible and stable with a diplomatic and tactful manner, and that you possess a charming, easy-going nature which puts people at ease. People will be drawn to you because they feel that you are patient, kind, understanding, and responsive. I think that description describes your Jared perfectly!!

I am so excited to hear that you have already made a start on 3 more stories in this verse and I can’t read to them when they are ready to be posted. :)

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

:-):-):-):-):-) omg, totally know how that is when something makes you squee so bad you wake up the poor animals next too you... :-):-)
Thank you again so much for asking about the verse and giving me a bit of a nudge... i didn't know people read this verse and enjoy it, because i don't get many reviews for this, which is totally okay, its just that lack of commemts make me think "ah, no one is reading this, so i can totally make a pause with this" you know?
So yes, thank you :-):-)

Yeah when i was searching for the name of the verse, bones seemed soooo fitting and then i couldn't name it bones, because of the TV show, so i used my native tongue and named it kosti....... and wow, i had no idea that kosti means all that, that is soooo cool, where did you read that? Awesome....and yes, wow, totally what Jared is like in this fic...so very appropriate, now i am even more happy that i named this verse kosti :-):-):-) so cool, tnx for that information :-)

Yup, i have started on 3 more, but i am dealing with a spn gen fic right now, that i wanna post next week and after that i will be back on this :-)

S.

[kc246.livejournal.com]

I think I confuse the hell out of my poor dogs whenever I make excited noises at my laptop! They just don't understand the wonderful world of J2 fanfiction, lol. :)

Your verse should totally have more reviews than it does as it's awesome and you write both Jared and Jensen really well!! I recced this story over at the rocksalt_recs comm. I hope that's okay? If not just let me know and I'll get the post removed. :)

I read the description about whatt Kosti means over at this name meaning site:- http://www.kabalarians.com/male/kosti.htm

Hope you have a very Happy New Year!!!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Lmao, our poor pets lol... dogs? How many do you have? I only have one and she's all trouble lol

Oh it's okay.... I wasn't fishing for reviews, I mean I can't make people read and comment, but for some stories getting comments means that I should hurry up and write more lol :-) so if I don't get a lot of comments, I am all like, ah, okay no one is reading, I can take a pause with this one :-):-):-) so yes, thank you very much for the rec, awesome... thank you and darn, I think I need to add attempted suicide to the list of warnings too, lol....
Oh what an awesome site, I will put the link to it on the master post for the verse (plus a few changes) .... because that is so Jared in this story :-) thank you for the link :-)

And a very happy and amazing New Year to you too :-):-)

S.

[kc246.livejournal.com]

I have 2 dogs and neither of them listen to a word I say! My partner tells them to get of the bed, they get off the bed. I tell them to get off the bed, they give me the equivalent of a doggy eye roll, stretch themselves out further and go back to sleep! They are both rescue dogs and the smaller one suffers from separtion anxiety and if something freaks her out when we are not home then she calms herself down by ripping apart the couch! I hate to think how much we've spent on replacement couches over the years!

I know you weren't fishing for reviews but your story totally deserves them. :)

The name meaning site is cool but I seem to be the total opposite of what it says my name means. I guess I'm just weird, lol. :)

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha, lol, I know how that is, but at least your dogs listen to your partner, my dog listens to no one.... and its horrible, but at least we live in such an enviroment that she can do whatever she wants and no one will get hurt lol
Awww your poor couches .... but hey, at least there is not time for bugs to grow inside the couch... :-):-):-)

Thank you... *hugs*

Lol, naw you aren't weird, you're just unique .... :-)

S.

[serendip50.livejournal.com]

Oh God...this has been a long time coming, but sooooo happy to see more! I love this verse.
I have a total addiction to hurt/abused and vulnerable Jensen and this fits perfectly and especially so because it is not a quick fix.

Your words are invasive and passionate it's obvious you enjoy your craft to produce such an engaging read.

I hope there will be more very soon, I can't wait to see what happens next!. x

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey..... yeah I took a little break from this, because I had no idea people actually read and enjoy and want more of this verse, but now I do know and I already have 3 more stories done, they just need to be polished a bit and betaed and so on :-) so yeah, this verse is not fogotten or done :-)

*grins* that kinda Jensen is my favorite too and he is not done hurting in this verse... because as in life, so here in this verse.... there will be no easy fix, it will be a struggle and a battle and there will be scars that will last forever ... because life is like that :-)

*blushes* thank you, you have absolutely no idea how much those words mean to me right now.. I am going through writers block, so... reading what you wrote about my writing *sniffles* means a lot... thank you *hugs*

S.

[serendip50.livejournal.com]

You are welcome, it's only the truth:). I admire your expressive originality.

Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year, Hugs x

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* thank you!

And a very happy New Year to you too :-)

S.

[somer.livejournal.com]

Uhhh, just catched up with this whole Kosti!Verse. Have I ever told you that I love your writing, maybe one or two times? But if not...I REALLY LOVE YOUR WRITING. It's like being in the head of the character, just so intense and perfect!!

And this here is so sad, poor Jensen and all the scars on his body and trying to end his life. After reading the first parts I was kinda happy because it seemed that he had started to trust Jared a little bit and then came this last part here and Jensen running. And I was like noooooo, stay and let Jared help you...but that would be to easy, right?

So, I'm hooked now, can't wait for the next part! :D

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey babe!

Awwww thank you *smishes* and just as you like my writing I love your comments and thank you so much for taking the time and reading this verse... yay, awesome... :-)
*beams*

Haha yes, that would just be too easy and life isn't easy sadly, so there will be more battles and more scars, but maybe, just maybe there will be a light at the end of the tunnel :-) or maybe not *grins* because I don't wanna make this fic all cuddly and bright, I want it to hurt and be brutal and make you wanna shut your eyes, but at he same time I want there to be some hope :-)
Thank you so much for giving this verse a shot :-)

S.

[frostfalcon.livejournal.com]

Interesting... a very unique series of stories! I find myself wanting to read more, I guess I'll just have to be patient. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing!

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey...
Thank you, I always looooove to read the word unique in comments *beams* and yeah I already have 3 more stories done in this verse, but they need to be looked through and stuff added and such, but I hope I will be able to post soon :-)

Thank you very much for reading and commenting :-)

S.

I LOVE THIS

[giantslinky.livejournal.com]

I love love this!! More please..:]

Re: I LOVE THIS

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey :-)

Thank you so much for taking your time and reading&commenting :-) so happy you liked this :-):-):-):-)

There will be more :-):-)

S.

[11beurownhero.livejournal.com]

I just found this and caught up on all of this verse. wonderfully written. Please tell me you're going to continue?

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Hey... awesome, thank you for reading and commenting :-) and yes there will be more, I am working on 4 stories right now in this verse, so ... expect them soon :-) thank you, I'm really happy you liked this.

S.

T

[11beurownhero.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I look forward to it!

[mena-tani.livejournal.com]

I swear to god I'm gonna come back here every day, there so much to read.
Oh this is so good, I can't tell what is beter; the Hunt or this one.
I'll be waiting. Loooove you.

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Mwhahah I got you hooked :-):-):-) sweet :-) I am so very happy you liked this and want more! I am writing the next stories in this verse, so they should be done pretty soon :-) this is such a hurty and interesting place for me to play in, that I just cannot stop! :-):-)

Thank you!
S.

[maguie.livejournal.com]

OMG I didn´t know you were updating until I saw your update in J2au,,, and I read the synopsis, and I was: looks a lot like a story I read a few years ago and was a WIP,, then I realized it was yours and OMG I'm so happy you are continuing this one,,,

hey but you said you were going to PM me when you update it!

:) hehe I know it was a long time ago! :P

Thanks for updating

[soncnica.livejournal.com]

Heeey! :-):-)

Omg omg I AM SO SO SO VERY SORRY! I feer horrible right now, I did promise I would PM you, omg, it just totally slipped my mind, I am so so sorry. *bangs her head against the wall* gah .... so sorry, but I'm really glad you were looking through J2AU and found this :-):-) gosh, sososo sorry *hugs you*

Thank you for giving it a try (again) :-):-) and I'm so very happy that you are liking it.... and well look at the bright side, now you had like 6 or so stories to read in one go! :-):-):-):-):-) hahaaha :-):-):-) YAY

Thank you! ♡

S.