Chapter 9

[soncnica]

CHAPTER 9

He'd slept under a bridge once. Just once and he'd never do that again; it had been cold, it had been windy and it had creeped him out to last a lifetime. The blanket he'd had with him had been moth-eaten and had smelled of mold, hanging on to life with only a handful of threads.

But it had been Alineja's. It had been her blanket, a brown-blue thing that she'd had since he could remember. It'd smelled of her, of all the soaps she'd used. He'd often curled up under it, his back to Alineja's chest and they'd read. Books, old newspapers, magazines, anything that had letters pushed into words made into sentences.

They'd read stories and poems out of books with brittle leaves, adds and obituaries and sports pages, articles about animals and plants and health issues … anything they could find, they'd read. And after they were done, his uncle would use the paper as kindling, keeping them warm and giving them hot meals.

The blanket had shielded him from many a thing but it hadn't been able to shield him from the wind blowing underneath that bridge. Hadn't been able to shield him from the cold and the loneliness that had been creeping up on him every time he'd shuddered.

The noise of footsteps up above, right above his head, had made him freeze in fear, his breath had gotten caught in his lungs and he'd hid under the blanket as much as he could, curled up making himself look as small as possible. Just a ball of fabric to anyone who would come down and looked under the bridge.

The footsteps had sounded loud, sure, like whoever had been making them knew what he had been doing and where he had been going.

"He said to wait here."

"I know, but what if he was wrong?"

"Odie's never wrong."

"There's no one here."

"Jared'll come, you'll see."

"I just wanna go back to sleep."

"I know, brother. Me too."

The words had been spoken softly, hushed, misery shining in them so brightly one would have to be deaf not to pick it up.

Icies; he'd been able to feel them. Them with their fucking calmness and softly spoken words and fuck them. Fuck them, fuck them.

He'd gripped the handle of his knife tighter and thrown the blanker off his cold body. Those bastards had killed Alineja. They'd killed her with a brutality that would forever be stuck behind his lids. Fuck them.

He'd gotten up from the hard concrete and crawled on his hands and knees through the bushes that had found home where water had gone away. He'd been as careful as he could, trying not to make anything break or rustle too loud.

Fuck them. Fuck them. Icies, sons of bitches.

He'd hid behind some tall grasses and fern, watching the two figures as they'd stood only a few feet away, at the beginning of the bridge. They'd seemed to be deeply in conversation about some guys named Odie and Jared – probably Icies too, so fuck em too.

The rage that had been starting to bubble in his veins had felt like the sweetest of drugs; felt as if he was high on something that had absolutely no right to feel this good.

The anger had blinded him, made his vision go blurry and crystal clear all at the same time and before he'd known it, the two Icies had been lying on the ground before his feet, their throats slit and green goo seeping out of the cut.

The rage had tampered down, cleared his vision and returned his heartbeat into something resembling normal and not wild in need of release.

He'd looked at his knife and the sticky green liquid that had slid in chunks down the blade and dripped to the ground.

He'd run as fast as he could, not really caring in which direction he had been going. He'd just had to run, pumping his legs as fast as they could go, ignoring the stitch in his side.

He had just killed two Icies. Two. Icies. Fuck.

When he'd stumbled and fell, hitting his head on the ground – hard – his only thought had been about the blanket he had left under the bridge, before his eyes closed to the sight of a blue sunset.

The light of the sunset was blue. Looked almost like water; washed colors tingeing the green forest with soft indigo hues. It looked peaceful. Felt peaceful. And if these were normal times, times before the Great Earthquake of 2014, people would've brought out their cameras and their phones and taken pictures of everything; would camp and make dinners, maybe even barbeque. Maybe they would go for a swim in the lake on the other side of the mountain, maybe they'd just sit down on this side of the mountain and enjoy the blueness.

Enjoy the quiet and the peace and the serenity of the light.

Jared's eyes looked dark blue in the light; like the sky sometimes did right before the Friday rains hit.

They were sitting by the beech tree, leaning on its trunk, bored and on edge. Jensen was picking apart a dried leaf, letting pieces of it fall to the ground between his legs. His side ached, but not as much as it had when Ashil'd had his hands in him. Jared had been careful, had made it quick and easy and the tissue was already on its way to healing. It still throbbed and itched, but it wasn't making him wanna scream; just made him squirm a bit and hiss whenever he pulled a breath a bit wrong. He had slept for some time, or so Jared had said – but the setting sun was a good enough clue that it was true and he'd slept quite a while.

And no sign of Noleih. He was starting to feel anxious; if the man wouldn't come, if he hadn't heard the signal … Jensen wasn't sure he'd be able to do that again. Wasn't sure Noleih would fall for it again.

He might be part Icy but he still felt pain, he felt how his nerve endings flared to life whenever something happened that wasn't supposed to happen. Like getting impaled by a crystal.

Fuck.

He placed his hand by his hip, tenderly, not wanting to make pain reappear again but all he could feel was some warmth and see a little patch of blood that had spilled after he'd pulled down his shirts.

All in all … it was okay. Now if only that son of an Icy bitch would show so that they could get this show on the road and be done.

This waiting game was boring.

Bored. Bored. Bored. He could start a conversation with Jared, ask him some questions that were sitting inside his brain, needing answers, but Jared seemed…

"You 'kay?"

That was always a good question to start with; a neutral question both asking for how one felt and maybe pushing a conversation to start. Jensen liked those two words, even though usually he didn't give a damn about the answer.

"I … I'm just, you know, thinking about what will happen when … after, you know?"

Yeah, Jensen had suspected that was what was going on in Jared's head. It was what was going on in his head too.

"Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing."

They both looked at each other, Jared's eyes so dark, but not black. Just really, really blue with a dot of orange at their corners.

"We made all this happen, just out of fear, we made this beautiful planet," Jared swallowed, "we broke it. Broke everything and I'm not sure," he picked up a fistful of leaves and let them fly back to the ground, "'m not sure it will ever be okay again. Not even with us going back. I wish I had all the answers, I really do, but maybe now that we'll go away humans will maybe be able to move on. Rebuild the world, with the things that they have now."

Jensen nodded. They really couldn't know what would happen. Maybe the Earth would right itself again, maybe the humans would start to get along and cooperate, establish a life long lost again, build something even in this kind of an environment because … because they wouldn't have to be afraid of the Icies coming and killing them every second of every day.

But then again, how would the humans know that the Icies no longer posed a threat?

How would they know that it was okay to live, to go out of hiding, to go and build peace?

"You know, uh, after we do this, how … how are people gonna know that the Icies are gone?"

"Dunno. I just hope they will. I hope they'll see that no one's killing them anymore or enslaving them and … they'll just know."

Jensen nodded; that made sense. People would see - after some time - that there was no one there anymore killing them or oh God, enslaving them or sucking on their blood or whatever and come out of hiding. But that was a long time away from now, because right in this moment, nothing had been done yet to ensure of all that. The Icies were still out there, killing and twisting people's minds. In a way, Jensen really didn't want to know what would happen after; he suspected that after all of this, after Noleih would come to them, the whole thing would either result in Noleih's death or Jensen's and he was strangely okay with both.

He wasn't crazy about dying, just like he never had been, but he wasn't scared of death. Not anymore. He'd left that fear with the shadows.

"So you're gonna go back up there? To the north?"

"To the Arctic, yeah. Gonna go back to sleep. Back to dreaming. It's been enough. This, here. I'm tired and so are my brothers and sisters. I mean you saw Odie … and then we'll just hope that once we settle, all of this … will be okay again."

"And if it won't?"

Fireflies came early today … the sun was still setting and they were already shining their butts in the low grass.

He picked up another leaf to dissect; brittle and brown and didn't push his uncle for an answer. They both knew it, no need to say it out loud.

"You scared?"

He tore the leaf through the middle: "No."

"Me neither."

He let the halves of the leaf fall to the ground, looked at Jared and smirked: "I call bullshit."

Jared shrugged: "If Noleih won't want to talk, it's either I die, or Noleih dies or we all die. Death is a sure thing, no matter when it comes."

"Morbid."

"You brought it up first."

"It was in a time of my weakness."

Jared chuckled: "Not judging."

"You better not, 'cause you still owe me an answer."

"There's no answer, Jensen."

"Well, nothing here to do but wait, right?"

Jared nodded, that sympathetic little smile on his face and got up from the ground: "'m gonna go start a fire."

"Hey, Jared?"

His uncle turned around, his eyes shining so bright in the dusky light.

"I lied to Odie back there."

"Yeah."

"You think that Noah, I mean, Noleih could use that?"

"I don't know, but if he'll try, just know that … Jensen, you left Odie happy, okay? Think of that, all right?"

"Yeah, okay."

It wasn't okay, but it was as okay as it would ever get.

He picked up a handful of leaves, squeezed them in his fist and watched Jared walk towards a circle of stones where a mess of dried twigs and moss was already waiting to be lit.

No worries now that the fire would bring unwanted attention as it was attention that both of them wanted.

The fire was nice and warm, crackling. The stars were up, sparkling and bright, the moon huge and so close one could touch it with one's fingertip if one could stretch that far. It was bright, almost as bright as it had been at dusk and with the fire burning, it was as if it was early morning.

Jensen hated nights like these; too bright, too revealing with no dark corners to hide properly. But then again, the light could be in their advantage; it never hurt to see the person – the Icy – you'd kill.

"'m hungry…"

"We have …"

"You rang, my brother?"

The voice was like metal scraping against metal; a screech in Jensen's ear, a fly buzzing around his ear for him to smack at.

He was up on his feet right along with Jared, both of them as fast as their tired bodies allowed them, sending leaves flying everywhere. Jensen hissed as something in his side twisted wrong, but the hell he'd give in to the pain. Pain could go suck it and die, because there was Noleih, the fucking asshole standing right there, ripe for the killing.

The Icy was in front of them with his hands in the pockets of his jeans, looking completely nonchalant about the whole thing. The smile on his face made Jensen want to cut it off … really, really slowly.

"Noleih?"

"Hey brother, I heard ya call for me. Sorry I didn't come sooner, was just having a nice, warm meal with Odie. He says hello, hello, hello by the way. That man," Noleih shook his head and pursed his lips, "... such a bag of loose screws."

"Odie?" They said in unison, as if they'd been rehearsing it. Maybe they had, in their thoughts, the worry for the older Icy present ever since they turned their backs on him and walked away.

Jared took a step closer to his brother: "What did you do to him, Noleih?" while Jensen snarled: "If you fuckin' hurt him, I swear I'll make your death as painful as possible," his hand going to the knife he had strapped to his thigh.

Jensen squinted his eyes when he heard Noleih take a deep breath, like the bastard was preparing himself for a long speech about what-the-fuck-ever and looked at Jared when Noleih said: "Not the point, the point is ... you ready to come my way, little brother?" because that wasn't what he was expecting to come out of the Icy's mouth.

Jensen observed Jared and smirked at how his uncle didn't even flinch at the words but calmly said: "No, no. Noleih, this has got to stop."

"Ahhh, Jared, still so naïve. Still so … so righteous. Just like Father and well," Noleih shrugged, hands still in the pockets, "we all know what happened to him."

"It wasn't their fault. The human's." Jared took another step closer to his brother, only a few feet of space between them now. "Never meant to hurt us. They didn't even know we were here. Noleih, please … just come with us back to sleep."

"You've been spending too much time with Odie, the crazy has rubbed off on you. We can't go back now, they know we're here. They'll come for us and kill us."

"No," Jared made another step closer, "they won't."

"You're delusional, if you think that."

They were too close now, Jared and Noleih, either of them would do three, maybe four big strides and shit would go down. Jensen needed to do something, something to get Noleih's attention on him and away from Jared, so that … he didn't know what. Maybe so that Jared could do something, or that Noleih couldn't do a damn thing.

Think fast.

"Uh, pal I think being delusional is your department."

Shit like that always worked with the food traders down in the subway tunnels, so why not here too. Insults - at people or Icies - had the same effect on everyone - anger.

"Jensen, Jensen, Jensen, so good to see you again. How's your tracking device? Feel okay? Doesn't hurt too much, does it? You know," Jensen narrowed his eyes and gripped the handle of his knife tighter when Noleih took a step to the left and one step forward, "I told Ashil to just rip it out after the first time. I mean, Jared has good ears, he heard us. But Ashil disobeyed. Jared did me a favor killing him but well, rotten apples need not rot the rest of the bunch, right?"

Jensen rolled his eyes and shook his head: "Wow, talk about a bag of nuts, just wow."

Noleih smirked: "Still a smart mouth, I see? You didn't leave that with the shadows, didja?"

Jensen's fingers trembled on his knife, just for a second, because what, how, why, where, how!? How!?

He shrugged: "Dunno what you mean … "

"Really? You're gonna play that game, Jensen? I know my brother, I know what he did and Odie? Well, he just loves to talk."

"Yeah Odie really does love to talk, but man, I still have no clue what you're talking 'bout."

"Jensen, you're not stupid, please don't play stupid, because stupidity, well it makes you look stupid."

"Fine," he growled, "so what?"

Noleih stepped closer, only a step or two away from Jared who was watching his brother with a keen eye and a posture ready to snap into attack mode at any wrong move from Noleih and Jensen remembered that. Remembered how Jared had taught him how to fight, how to hold himself and how to get his body ready to leap into an attack with his hands and his legs or his head. He remembered how Jared had made him do push-ups and crunches and jumping jacks and lunges and rock climbing and something called a bicycle exercise. And running. A lot of running.

"'s a shame really, I was really looking forward to tapping into all that rage and fear, all that terror and loneliness that you felt every second of every day. That would've been so sweet," the Icy licked his lips, "to bend into what I wanted."

Jensen rolled his eyes and blew out a breath: "Well, sorry to disappoint. Really. So sorry."

"Oh Jensen," Noleih's voice was vibrating with suppressed anger, Jensen knew, because he often found his own voice sound just like that, "I wanna reach into your mouth and tear out your tongue."

"Ewww, really," Jensen smacked his tongue on the roof of his mouth, "naww, I like my tongue just where it is, but I wouldn't mind seeing yours on a stick roasted above the fire. But it would probably be too chewy for my taste."

Noleih smirked: "You're so much like your daddy. So much like Jared. They'd been best, best friends, you know? Well friends, not friends, as we're all family, but … brothers. And then I killed him. Oops, my bad."

Jensen took a breath and looked at the back of Jared's neck. He couldn't see Jared's eyes, because his uncle's back was on him and all the attention focused on Noleih, but well, shit. He couldn't ignore how stiff his uncle's back became at those words. Shit.

"Fuck you!"

"Jensen!"

His uncle's shout of his name, deep and booming, shaking his bones helped him to focus. His dad wasn't the topic here, this wasn't about his dad or his mom, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't kill Noleih for them too. And for Alineja. And for Jared. He'd rip Noleih apart if he'd need to, to get to the bitch's spine.

"I'll kill you Noleih," he snapped, "kill you nice and slow and love every second of ripping out your spine. I just hope you have it, because to me, you seem more like a spineless dick."

"You stupid human … I was here when all your seas were still boiling, when there was nothing here but gas and smoke and fire. This," the Icy spread his arms, "is all mine. Ours!"

Jensen saw Noleih's lips twist up into a snarl - he had serious anger management issues - and between one heart beat and the next, Noleih grabbed Jared by his throat, the other hand going to Jared's back and Jensen froze.

Fuck.

"Do you want me to rip his spine out? I will. I will, Jensen, I'll do it just like I did it to Alineja. You saw that didn't ya? Watched it happen, didn't ya? I felt you be there, felt your … your signal in my head while I ripped her crystal right out of her, broke it from the other crystals in her back and crunched it into small, tiny, tiny little pieces. Do you wanna watch that happen again?"

Jensen was frozen to the spot, frozen there by Noleih's words and eyes and the hand that the Icy had on Jared's back, pressing those human fingers right around Jared's spine. Maybe Noleih wouldn't be able to hurt Jared with his human fingers, but Jensen figured that the Icy was so experienced that he'd be able to turn them to crystals in the blink of an eye.

Shit.

He watched as Jared struggled, trying to kick and hit but not daring to do a hell of a lot; one wrong move and who knew what could happen. The choking noises his uncle was making as Noleih squeezed his neck made Jensen clench his jaw in silent rage.

"Alineja was screaming for you, you know? Did you hear? She was pleading for you, 'don't hurt Jensen, don't hurt him, please, please' … did you hear that, Jensen? She begged me to spare you, she begged me to let you live. Did you hear her last words? Hmmm?"

Jensen wanted to say a lot of things to that, a lot of things but only one came out: "No."

The word was barely heard over the gasping, wheezing, choking noises.

"I love you, Jensen. Those were her last words, bud. Didja hear 'em?"

Jensen didn't; all he'd heard were her screams and then gurgling as blood rushed into her mouth and she choked on it, while Noleih was holding her crystal – spine, heart – in his hand.

For a long, long time he hadn't even thought that it was something like a crystal in Noleih's hand … how could he have known? He'd never seen a person's spine before, it could've looked like that for all he knew. But now … now he knew. Knew it all, now. Knew that if Noleih would press those fingers of his into Jared's back, Jared would be dead in mere seconds. Knew that Alineja'd died protecting him. Knew that Jared had almost died protecting him too. Knew that Odie … Odie, was probably dead because he tried to protect him too. Knew that he couldn't let anything more happen to anyone because of him.

"No, of course you hadn't heard them, you were hiding. Running away, like the scared coward that you are. Underneath all that skin, you're just a scared, angry, abandoned little child, aren't you?"

Jensen's lip tried to quirk up into a smile, but he steeled himself and made it stay in a straight line. Noleih was wrong; he didn't feel angry anymore, he had left the anger in the darkness, with the shadows. He didn't feel sad anymore, because he had left that there too. He didn't feel afraid anymore because the darkness had smoothly taken that away too. And he absolutely, for sure, one hundred percent didn't feel abandoned anymore; he had found his family. He wasn't alone anymore.

All he felt was … calm.

"Well, Noleih," he licked his lips and tried not to cringe at Jared's whimper, "let me tell you something about humans that you might not know," he breathed out slowly when he heard Jared's legs shuffle on the ground, when Noleih pressed his fingers even deeper into Jared's spine, "family is important to us, you understand? And Alineja, Odie, Jared … they're my family. And apparently you're my family too, well half family, but … the only thing I feel towards you is pity."

"Pity?"

The confused expression on the man's face was just what Jensen needed. He gripped the handle of his knife and pulled it out of its sheath, throwing it at Noleih, praying that it would hit the Icy faster than the Icy could rip out Jared's spine. Because choking Jared wasn't a problem, but the spine thing? Yeah, huge problem.

The knife met its mark in the throat, right below his Adam's apple.

It looked obscene, the handle sticking out and the tip of the knife probably pointing out at the man's nape, but damn, it felt good.

Jared stumbled away from Noleih when he was released in an attempt to grab hold of the knife's handle and pull it out. There was disgusting green sludge running out from the wound, all the way down the knife and Noleih's hands and Jensen had had enough of this crap.

Enough of everything. He scrambled back to where he'd been sitting before the asshole had appeared, grabbed his bow and three arrows and shot them all directly into the Icy's chest. The swoosh, swoosh, swoosh of the arrows flying through the air, was like a rush of sweetest, coolest water through his system.

It wasn't a kill shot, not with these assholes, but it would occupy Noleih enough for Jensen to deliver the killer shot.

He ran to Noleih, his eyes on Jared, who was coughing and hunched forward only inches from his brother, still only inches from the danger of having his spine ripped out. But Jensen was faster and he grabbed Noleih's shoulder, spun him around and tried to push his fingers into the man's muscled back.

His fingertips met resistance, like trying to push 'em through a wooden plank; there was no fuckin' way for him to push his fingers into the man's back, through the jacket and the shirts and the skin and the muscles and bones and, just no way to get right to the spine. No way. They were too short, too blunt, too fat. He needed something sharper, longer.

Especially when Noleih was a wiggling, choking, gurgling, wheezing mess in his hands and this close to pulling the knife out of his neck.

"Jensen…"

Jared. He looked at his uncle, who was still struggling to get back on his two feet. His neck looked crushed, caved in and Jensen startled. Jared wasn't looking so good, not on his death bed yet but still looking like he was.

Much later, Jared would tell him that the sound that came out of Jensen's mouth was a roar he had ever only heard in lions. And Jensen would smile and blush just a little and say 'fuck it man, it got the job done'.

He looked down at his ring finger, the cut there just a red, jagged wound close to being healed and … fuck it. He put it in his mouth with no idea what the hell he was doing, he had no clue, but his eyes never strayed from Jared's as he bit down hard with his canines and started to pull off the skin with his teeth. He gagged at the sudden pain, at the sudden flow of blood into his mouth and gripped Noleih's shoulder tighter, both to keep himself steady and keep the son of a bitch from escaping.

Blood began flooding his mouth and he spat it out, along with pieces of skin and when he looked at his finger, he could see. Blue and green, sparkling, glowing, colors vibrating and shifting under the sharp, silver moonlight.

It was fascinating, mesmerizing, but he couldn't dwell on it too much. He had a job to do so he stuck his finger in his mouth again, pulling at the skin a few more times, spitting it all out to the ground.

It was making him gag and cry out each time he tore into the flesh and sinews, skinning himself down to the bones, but Jared was watching him. Changing colors in the light; brightblue-brightgreen-darkviolet-orange-specks of brightyellow. Eyes on me, Jensen.

He looked down at his hand, and wondered if there were crystals in any of his other fingers. He regretted never finding out for real, because damn that would've come in handy right about now.

But if he was already so far along in making himself bleed and throw up and hurt, eh, why not, right?

He bit into the pads of his pinky, biting right through the skin and peeling it off; he spat the skin out when he looked at the finger, not seeing any crystals.

Fuck, damn it hurt and he wasn't even questioning why he wasn't already unconscious on the floor. Must be adrenaline pumping through his veins, maybe it was Jared's mojo crawling through his veins, or maybe it was because his crystals were shouting at him to free them. Free them all.

"Fuuuuck, fuckfuckfuck…!"

Biting into his middle finger was easier, now that he knew what kinda pain to expect, but where there was no crystal there either, he sobbed. Maybe it was useless to do this, maybe he only had one crystal, just one finger.

One flaw that made him an abomination and wasn't that just fucking fantastic?

He sobbed again and bit into his index finger, his eyes glazing over from the pain, but he … he blinked and looked at Jared. Jared whose neck was already starting to un-cave, Jared who was starting to get back on his feet.

Uncle Sammy.

He looked down at his finger and … there it was … something green and blue: "Fucking fuck, shhhit, guuuh!" and he cried out from pure joy at seeing that damn blue shine up at him through all the red blood.

He was panting now, gasping for breath, his heartbeat throbbing in the tips of his ruined fingers, blood running down his hand and his chin. His teeth were dirty with chunks of flesh, covered with blood but he smiled nonetheless, because his two fingers were ready to kill.

But still, he couldn't do this anymore, two would have to be enough. One more and he'd really pass out, not even adrenaline flooding his veins would be able to keep him from that. The pain was burning him from the inside out, the stench of blood making sour bile raise up his throat and he spat it out; stomach acid and his blood and his flesh.

Then … then, help him God and all deities on this fucked up planet, but the crystals were starting to move, shift. Like a damn living thing, like a worm that wiggles from small to long, fat to thin.

"What the …"

The moving brought with it a new kind of pain; a sharper sting that he could feel tearing up into his forearm. He watched, fascinated as the crystals he had freed started to move forward, getting longer and longer. Changing from tiny little things into long sharp, thin blue-green spikes.

Fuck, he'd never … seen … and the moonlight was reflecting on 'em and it was … that was a part of him. All those swirls and sparkles of color, all that … and the stretching just wasn't stopping. The pain wasn't stopping and he was gonna die, but fuck him, if the son of a bitch wasn't gonna die first.

He looked at Jared, knowing he had awe in his eyes, knowing his mouth looked like a huge smudge of red, knowing his whole face was covered in tears and snot, but he had to look at his uncle. He had to let him know that this would be okay.

That he had this.

"Jensen …" his uncle whispered, stumbling to him, one arm outstretched, breathing starting to sound better and better with each stumble.

It was a moment, a short moment, suspended in time, where all went silent, all went away – a moment of when he couldn't feel a damn thing. Nothing. Just peace.

And then Noleih started to squirm in his grip again, knife halfway out of his neck by now and the moment was gone, pain coming back, crickets chirping, mosquitoes buzzing, the moon and the stars shining.

It all nearly made Jensen double over, head hitting knees, but he sucked in another lungful of air and grit his teeth. But it was too late, the knife finally slipped free, with a stomach-rolling squelch of green blood, and Jensen froze.

Fuck.

His ass hit the ground between one breath and the next, between the lightning bolts of pain shooting up from his fingers to his brain: "Fuuuuck! You son of a biiiiitch!"

Noleih's eyes were storm blue and black with a few sparkles of orange when the Icy turned around and grinned.

"Hurts don't it?"

The hole in the Icy's throat was opening and closing with each breath the asshole did and Jensen glared at him, gripping his hand and trying not to pass out screaming.

The crystals were still elongating and he didn't know when they would stop, he needed them to stop, they were already six of seven inches long, where was all this coming from?

"You're human Jensen," a wheezing gasp, "weak and pathetic," a wheezing gasp, "hiding behind what your daddy," a wheezing gasp, the hole in the throat opening like a second mouth, "gave you. You're so much like," a wheezing gasp, "your daddy was, a scared little weakling."

Jensen was starting to suspect that Noleih kind of got off on pain. His own or someone else's. Sick bastard.

He roared as he rolled onto his knees and then up to his feet, still holding his right hand by the wrist, the extra weight of the long fingers – even thin as they were - pulling his entire hand down. He wasn't used to this, his normal fingers were natural, gravity taking care of them, but this ... this felt as if he put on extra weight and his hand just didn't know what to do with it. It kept on trying to fall to the ground.

The pain was disappearing as the crystals stopped elongating, stopped growing, leaving him with a sting and an ache, blood running sluggishly down his entire hand, dripping off the sharp tip of his two crystals.

"You think you can kill me," a wheezing growl, "you half breed? You're just a human," a growl and a gasp, "you little mutt."

"I am gonna kill you dead," he spat on the ground, wincing at the horrible taste in his mouth, "you hear me!"

His voice trembled, his whole body shuddering and he was so close to passing out, so close to giving up and giving in, but when he saw his uncle push the knife back into Noleih's throat shutting the Icy up, it made him smile through a grimace.

Fuck yeah, uncle!

But the smile was short lived; it got wiped off as soon as he saw Jared slump to the ground, an arrow sticking out between his ribs.

Not a kill shot, not gonna kill him. Focus.

Jensen looked back at Noleih, seeing how the Icy struggled with the knife again, but with only two arrows in his chest.

Fuck no.

This wasn't going to be the end of him, or his uncle.

He pressed his hand to his heaving chest, hoping gravity wouldn't try to pull the crystals to the ground again, stumbled closer to Noleih: "Fuck you Icy…" and he pushed his crystalled fingers into the Icy's back. They slid in like hot through cold, stopping when something slimy and thin rubbed against them.

He gripped it and yanked, not caring what the fuck he was holding, but it must've been the spine. It was pulsing, it felt alive even through the solid mass of his crystals, he could feel it pulsate, quiver, beat.

Swirls of colors started to wriggle before his eyes, lines and lines of flashing lights and among it all, were shadows with their giggles and whispers and touches that were not real.

When he tried to pull at the pulsating thing and it wouldn't budge, he groaned and huffed in frustration, because come on, you fucking shit.

Noleih had almost gotten the knife out again and Jensen knew that once that knife was out, Jensen was a dead man, his fingers in Noleih's back or not.

He pulled again and the shadows around him yelled in delight when something clinked, like two glasses touching in a toast.

The shadows were trying to crawl right inside of him, singing and whistling like wind around sharp corners. They were happy, they were trying to … hug him, but the swirls of colors started to wrap around him tighter, preventing the shadows to do anything but hover close by, poking him with their fingers.

There was no pain here.

He pulled out with a sharp cry, gripping a wiggly long blue-green crystal that solidified as soon as air had the chance to surround it completely.

It would be so beautiful if it hadn't been covered in green liquid and his own blood.

Green-red.

In the silver hues of the huge moon.

He released Noleih; the man falling to the ground like timber, a hole in his clothes and in his back, green yuck running out of all the holes, staining his dark yellow shirts.

"Jensen …"

He turned around, his bleary eyes searching his uncle who was a mere step from touching.

"I'm sorry." He whispered and held up the crystal with weary hands, his two fingers trying to bring his entire arm down.

He was so tired, feeling like he could sleep for a month, without ever waking up.

"Sss-sorry."

The essence of Jared's brother, his half-uncle was solid now, sparkling. Still.

"It's okay."

Jared's voice was raspy but getting to its normal soft tone, and his hand on Jensen's shoulder was warm and heavy, steading them both.

"I … I killed your brother." He rushed out, feeling dizzy and faint and the trees were coming closer and closer all but falling on him and then fading back away to where they came from.

He was rocking just a little on his feet, swaying back and forth and he was going to fall soon. Nose dive in all its glory, breaking it and adding more of his blood to his face.

The ground was swept away from him somewhere in mid-sway and he was preparing for a new burst of pain when arms wrapped themselves around him, bringing him down to the leaf-covered ground, nice and slow.

No broken noses today, apparently.

"Nolaih hasn't been my brother for a long, long time, Jensen."

The words were whispered into his ear, among all the crickets and a lonely elk's bark. He'd always hated hearing those, always weary then to walk around the woods.

"I'm still sorry."

Jared leaned him to his chest, one hand across his shoulder. He was lying between Jared's spread legs, his whole left side pressed tight to his uncle's body.

He remembered this; remembered sitting in Jared's lap like this whenever the wind howled too loudly outside, whenever thunder was the loudest and when the lightning illuminated the night as if it was day. He was too big now to actually sit in his uncle's lap, but leaning onto him was close enough. Brought the same kinda comfort, the same kinda safety as it had then.

Noleih was dead by their splayed feet but Jensen couldn't see him because Jared was holding his head turned away.

But that didn't change the fact that Noleih had been slayed. Defeated. Beaten and lost.

Jared nodded, his chin hitting the top of Jensen's head: "It's okay, Jensen."

"What ... what happens now?"

He wasn't feeling so good. The spots dancing before his eyes weren't … they were just spots, no stars there.

"Now, you'll give me your hand and you'll go to sleep."

Jared was gentle and steady when he picked up his bloody and damaged hand where Noleih's spine was still gripped tight between his crystals.

"You can let it go now, Jensen."

Jared's voice was soft, taming a scared, injured animal and Jensen whined. He didn't need to be coddled, didn't need to be approached as if he would come apart at the seams or go on a killing spree.

"Come on Jensen, just let me have it."

He watched, numb and in this really strange pain; he'd never felt pain like this before. It was … different. It felt different, and he couldn't move his fingers to make it easier for Jared to take away Noleih's spine. He watched Jared have to pry them apart and he couldn't even feel Jared's touch.

This … this wasn't good, he should've felt Jared touching him. Should've felt his fingers be moved.

His arms felt numb and numb was never a good sign. This pain spreading through his body wasn't a good sign either, because it was unusual, it was something he hadn't experienced before.

"Okay, now gimme your hands."

His hands were lying like dead weight in Jared's lap; Jensen could feel his uncle's junk underneath and he tried to move them away, because awkward. But he couldn't lift them up. They were just so heavy, as heavy as his eyes, as heavy as his mind and his legs and his whole body. As heavy as his heart.

His heart felt … stuttering. Beating slowing down … this was peculiar.

"Jared, what's," he gurgled as a river of blood spilled from his mouth, down his chin, down his neck, "J-j'red?"

That was odd, why was he choking on blood?

"Jensen, hey, hey, nononono, hey, hey, calm down."

"J'red… 'm dyin'? 'm I…?"

His uncle's hand gripped his with a bone crushing strength that made him look at their intertwined fingers and he saw something wooden … an arrow. In his chest? How weird. So maybe that was why he had trouble breathing? Moving? His chest hurt as if he'd been hit by a boulder.

"It's okay, Jensen. Shh, shhh, shh, I gotcha, all right?"

"Gonna t-t-t-tttell me wh-hh-here I go nnnow?"

Cold was settling over him like a blanket; a blanket that didn't smell of Alineja's soaps, wasn't moth eaten and frayed … it was just so cold that he couldn't stop the shivers. Couldn't stop his teeth from clattering together. Couldn't stop the shudders that just came and went as they pleased, leaving him gasping and pressing his cheek deeper onto his uncle's heaving chest.

"Shut up, Jensen."

"G-g-g-gonna?"

Whenever Jared said something, the words were a vibrating rumble in his chest and Jensen wanted to sink into it and never go away.

"'s a surprise, kiddo."

He shuddered again, coughing out more blood, wishing he could actually squeeze Jared's fingers that were squeezing his: "Nnnever any sss-sstraight an-ans-swers with you, ass-asshole."

"Where would be the fun in that, huh?"

"Uncle S-s-ssammy?"

He was scared, fear like ants crawling on his skin, his eyes growing tired, his mouth overflowing with blood, some of it making its way out of his nose, the taste and the smell making his stomach roll, but there was no point in doing anything about that anymore. He let his head roll down, chin touching his chest, but Jared picked it up, his big palm holding his right cheek.

But he couldn't … there was just no more strength left in him to hold his head up, to hold his body up.

He sunk into his uncle's chest, stupidly wanting to crawl inside and never come back out.

He was terrified. Death wasn't supposed to be like this; cold, numb and taking so long. Should be quick … shouldn't be torture like this, making him miss and want and need and not lose. He wanted to stay with his uncle, he just got him back, but now … he was going to lose him. Forever and he didn't even know where he was going.

He didn't want to be alone.

"Don't cry, come on I gotcha, don't cry, come on …"

He had no idea what his uncle was babbling about, he wasn't crying … he was drowning in his sweat and blood and the cold, the damn cold that not even Jared's body heat could stop. He wasn't crying.

"Don't cry, don't cry, I'm here, 'm here, it's gonna be okay ... I promise ... don't cry."

One of Jared's hands was stroking his hair, holding his whole right cheek and pressing him so tightly to Jared's chest, he was starting to suffocate.

He was losing his all; his life, his family, his uncle, his sight, his breath … he was never going to see anything ever again.

"Jensen?"

"Jensen!"

He drifted to sleep with the feeling of gentle pressure on his scalp and heat around his bleeding fingers; something soft and firm gliding over them, curling around their tips.

He sighed into Jared's shoulder; if that was Jared's tongue licking him, he'd have to kill the man a little bit later because he was busy dying right now.

CHAPTER 8b _II_ CHAPTER 10